


Recovered

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bottom Severus Snape, Doctor Harry, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Severus Snape Lives, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23506621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: After the war Severus is thrown in Azkaban for his crimes for ten long years.  During that time, Harry Potter grows, matures, and finally goes to collect his imprisoned professor, but ten years is a long time.  The man he recovers isn't the same man he knew all those years ago.  Now Harry is in charge of healing this man that he owes so much to.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 266
Kudos: 1099





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【授权翻译】恢复](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868830) by [BlackTea39](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackTea39/pseuds/BlackTea39)



> Hello my wonderful ducklings. So much has happened with me and with the world. Hopefully all of you and your families are well during this difficult time. My attempt is to post a minimum of three times a week. What will I post? Well. That's hard to say. I will be working on this newest story, oneshots, and past unfinished stories. What days will I post? Well.. as you know me. That's also hard to say. I would like to attempt to post on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. That may completely change though. As everyone strives to stay home unless absolutely necessary, I will strive to post more content. I am watching my younger brother everyday, and I have an online class, but I have ample time to write. 
> 
> The issue as always is my random mental state. Most days I do nothing because I feel like I just don't have the energy too. I hope that trying to keep to a deadline will help entertain all of you as well as help myself.
> 
> Technically today is still Sunday for the next fifty minutes where I am, but consider this my post on Monday.
> 
> I love all of you. Stay safe. Onward my ducklings.

It’s strange to be on the other side.

The wizarding world had many expectations for me after I defeated Voldemort. I didn’t fulfill any of them.

I didn’t become an Auror, nor a teacher.

Seeing so many people I knew die had an impact on me that I couldn’t have predicted. I was past the point on anger or bargaining. Instead I looked to the survivors. The ones not unlike me that couldn’t get past _the past_. Understandably so. After all, it isn’t easy to continue living when you feel like the loss of those you love is stifling your existence. 

I think it was George that helped to set me down this path. George who dyed his hair black so that he would no longer see Fred in the mirror. Or maybe it was Neville’s parents who still did not know who they were because magical medicine hasn’t come far enough to heal the mind.

I couldn’t bring back the dead, but I could give life to those still living. 

I spend some time in the muggle world and some time in the magical to develop my own version of healing. It implements elements of both worlds and I’m the only of my craft. I’m the only mediwitch that focusses exclusively on healing the mind. 

I started with George. His case wasn’t as difficult as most. He was still able to function relatively well. I used what I learned from the muggle world to help council him while using the Legilimency I learned in the magical world to explore the vaults of his mind. 

No, this will never erase his grief, but it will help him find happiness in life while still remembering his brother. 

I helped many until I felt I was ready for my next big case. Neville’s parents.

Their fractured mind wasn’t due to grief and thus it proved to be a much different case. Healing them relied much more on the magical and less on the muggle. They could talk, but not necessarily hold a conversation. It took time. I would spend hours with them a day- sometimes Neville would watch if he didn’t have work. He owns a store that specialized in selling hard to obtain plants. I’m glad to see that his talent in herbology is serving him well. 

He didn’t have much hope, and I didn’t exactly help that when I told him that they may never be who they once were. But that wasn’t my goal in the first place.

I wanted to help clear their mind. Bring back some of their cognitive skills. Perhaps increase their short term memory so that they can remember their son at the very least. 

Over the course of three years, they have made great improvements. I doubt they will ever make a full recovery, but they recognize Neville and remember who they were. They can handle short conversations as long as they are not to mentally taxing. Neville is happy with even this much. 

They are still my most needy patients, but as of this point, my Legilimency skills can only help so much. I simply never mastered the art. 

Which brings me here.

Everyone has things that they regret. I myself have many. One is that I was not able to save the bravest man I’ve ever known from this fate. 

Something awoke inside of me as I watch my old professor dying. Blood flowed from the open neck wound and poison pumped throughout his body. Even before I saw his memories, I was fighting to save him. Applying pressure at the wound site in an attempt to stop or slow the bleeding. Propping up his head. Magic was tingling my fingers as I unconsciously set out to heal him. 

I saved his life.

Maybe I did it subconsciously. This man had saved my life so many times. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know he was loyal to Dumbledore at that time. He had saved my life, so I was determined to save his. 

He survived- though barely. 

It didn’t matter that I assured the wizarding world that he was an innocent man. No one would look past his foul personality or the crimes he had committed. He couldn’t speak having not had the proper time to heal before his trial. So they were going to do the only method they could think to prove his true alliance. They were going to use legilimency on him. But Snape never to be vulnerable for any reason, put shields around his mind strong enough to keep them all out. 

They viewed it as a contempt of court and threw out any case he might have had for innocence. I asked them to please view the memories that he gave me as evidence. As a personal favor for what I had done for this world, the judge allowed it. 

But when the memories were put in a pensive for all to see.

_Nothing happened._

The smoke swirled but nothing came into view. I couldn’t understand why. I had seen it just days before. Proof that would keep him from Azkaban. Now there was nothing.

He looked at me from the other side of the busy courtroom. His dark ominous eyes looked dead. Like he has given up before the war was even over.

It was only at my word that the judge gave him a ‘more lenient’ sentence. He would not receive the kiss, but he would spend the next ten years in Azkaban. 

It’s been ten years.

His very existence has nearly been erased. No one cared that he was wrongfully imprisoned. No one cares that he is a hero. No one cares about Severus Snape.

He has no family. No friends.

My name was the only one in his records. I haven’t been allowed to visit, but I have tried no less than a dozen times. It’s a mountain of paperwork each time to apply for a visit and one can only apply so many times a year. I have been refused every time. I’ve asked for updates on his health. My godfather showed how Azkaban can turn a healthy man into an unhealthy one which concerns me because Snape was never what anyone could call healthy. 

I will always regret that I wasn’t able to protect him from Azkaban, but with Voldemort dead, the masses needed a body to put all the blame on. Snape fits the model.

“Mr. Potter. What brings you here?” The warden greets me friendly enough, but I know how misleading a smile can be. His long coarse gray hair is pulled back into a low ponytail. He looks to maybe be in his late sixties

“The prisoner Severus Tobias Snape. His ten year sentence is up, and I will be taking him home today.” The phony smile disappears. 

“Mr. Potter, are you sure that is a good idea. As his records show, he does not have a home to go back to. He does not have the means to find employment. Releasing him would be a grave injustice to not only him but also the entire magical world.” I am an adult. My arms are at my side to show confidence.

“He will be living with me until he is able to find a place of his own.” That’s the temporary plan. 

“No. No. He is a very violent man with many medical needs.”

“I am a trained medi-witch and accustomed to difficult and violent patients alike. I am not a child unfamiliar with the laws. Unless someone comes to collect a prisoner, then they are seldom released. I am the only one that would come. The prisoner Severus Tobias Snape has served his ten years and you will release him into my care now, or I will sue you for malpractice.” My face is no longer boyish and unintimidating. I am no longer viewed as a child. I am an adult with a successful career and I will not be treated differently. 

“Yes, very good sir. I will personally go and retrieve the prisoner’s belongings as well as find a member of the staff to prepare him for departure. Understandably there is much paperwork that will need to be filled out by the benefactor. I will see that you get it so that you may start. He cannot be released until the paperwork is finished to completion. Wait here.” I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. 

I’m not leaving here without him.

I’m waiting no less than an hour before someone finally brings me the paperwork. It isn’t the man from before. This time it’s a woman who has obvious bruises on her face.

“Miss, how did you get those injuries.” She’s startled to be addressed suddenly.

“Please pay this no mind.” It’s a fresh injury. It takes no more than my hand against it to heal her to completion. She offers a weak smile and the stack of papers. There are no less than fifty pages. 

“Has Severus Snape been given his property back to him.” She opens her mouth before closing it quickly.

“I am unsure Mr. Potter. I was only asked to bring the paperwork to you.” She hands them too me along with a quill. Smiling softly again, she leaves the room. I promptly pull out a ballpoint pen. The magical world is an amazing place, but I will take the convenience of a pen any day.

I’m left alone for another hour. I fill out the paperwork to the best of my abilities and simply leave the rest blank. I’m playing nice for now, but I will be leaving with Severus Snape in my care. I detest admitting it, but Severus is correct. I really am the famous boy who lived. Since my practice of healing, I remain in the lime light. I’m well loved, and if the media discovers that I have tried to release a prisoner that has served his time, and the warden has not allowed it. I know which side the media will take. I loath using my name as leverage, but I will should I have to. I wait another forty minutes and when no one returns, I leave the stack of paperwork on the warden’s desk and go in search of Severus’s cell myself. 

I know enough about Azkaban to know the general layout- where more threatening prisoners are held. I also know the nature of dementors. They enjoy those that have little happiness. I once was favored by them, but I’m more than adept at shielding myself. I have found happiness. 

Severus however…

One cell is circled by approximately half a dozen of those joy devouring monsters. The closer I approach to the cell however, the more they float off. I developed a technique against depression. It certainly doesn’t work for everyone. And thus far I’ve not been able to successfully implement it into my sessions. It has done wonders for myself though.

The limp body inside tangled under a mass of hair doesn’t really look like anybody. They lay prone on the metal floor not moving even when I approach. Hair that might have once been black is now streaked with silver and gray. 

“Mr. Potter. I believe I instructed you to wait while we prepared the prisoner.” I pay the voice no mind.

“Open the cell.”

“We have not finished preparing him for departure, and I must overlook the paperwork to ensure it was completed.”

“Open the cell.” I say with more authority. He doesn’t move. “I have waited ten years for his freedom. I will not wait another minute. Open the cell or take out your wand and prepare to battle.” I already have my wand at the ready- not that I really need it. I prefer the use of wandless magic now. He stares at me in apprehension. “I can tell how out of practice you are. You only have to battle against those that are unarmed. I assure you, I am much more of a challenge. And I will not hold back a fatal blow.” 

The aged man tries to force a pacifying smile. “I am only trying to help you sir. This man may prove to be much more of a burden that you believe.”

“I’ve done my fair share of research on you.” I say. “Your wife was killed by death eaters. Every death eater receives especially cruel treatment from you. Of the few that have served their time and were released, I have seen at St. Mungo’s and have personally seen to their mental health. It only took me a cursory session to see some of the heinous things you have done.”

“Should I not do my job as warden?” He asks. 

“Should you take pleasure in the torture of those already being punished. The only reason why I have not brought you to justice yet is because I must have the consent of my patient in order to use their memories as evidence and thus far, none are coherent enough to give their consent. You have far gone past what is covered by your job. Open the cell or I will kill you and take it.” 

“Why not just kill me why all the warnings.”

“Because unlike you, I do not take pleasure from violence.” It’s a battle of wills. And I won before we even began. 

He unlatches the cell with the key and I go and retrieve my newest patient. I don’t drop my guard though. I never turn my back on someone I don’t trust. 

Severus is still limp. The robes he entered with ten years ago have deteriorated. He’s just wearing some trousers now. His upper torso is completely bare. He’s laying face down and even the sound of my footsteps do not alert him. I will need to do a thorough examination of his person, but I will not do it here. I take off my outer robe and transform it into a blanket. Carefully I wrap him and the only sound he makes is a groan of pain. It’s a simple matter to carry his light wiry frame. 

“We will be taking our leave now warden, but this matter is not solved.” He steps aside with a truly ugly expression. No one stops us. No one dares to stand in my way. The only thing calming my rising anger is the weak breathing of the man in my arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started on chapter three of this story, but it likely will not be the next thing I post. I would like to write a chapter of one of my unfinished stories so look forward to that. I'm not sure which story yet though. Onward my ducklings.

He lays prone on my bed. A quill floats beside me taking note of all that I observe. 

“He’s malnourished.” The sound of the quill scribbling latches me to reality. I am positively seething, but there is no time for that right now. I’ve grown a lot in ten years. I’ve matured. I’ve learned a lot from this man on my bed. Many things outside of the classroom. I learned maturity and acceptance. He was always a bitter angry teacher, but beneath that carefully laid mask was a man that struggled and fought for everything he possessed. “Bruised rib cage.” 

The first inspection is always physical. The things easily seen. The man I once hated is naked on my bed, completely unconscious to my observant eyes. “Several contusions and abrasions.” I take my time to inspect his neck and face. The scar is still on his neck, no doubt having never been properly cared for. His jaw is a purple color. I open each eye lid to check his eyes and all seems normal at this point. There are holes in his ears from what looks like piercings. I open his mouth and fight back the bile. “All of his teeth appear to have been ripped out.” 

I roll him carefully onto his stomach so that I can better inspect his back. “Marks from what looks to be a whip. The warden took care in blemishing every part of his skin.” These scars may never completely disappear. There are many bruises here as well. Lower, I see bruises on his bottom. 

_I am a professional._

I slide on a pair of latex gloves sitting near the bed. Up until now, I did not feel the need to be sterile, but this is different. Parting his small pale globes, I apply lubricant to my index finger and lightly insert it inside of his anus. Even unconscious he flinches in pain. He should not feel any pain from my medical probing. Muted discomfort perhaps, but not pain. I exhale trying to calm myself. “Anal trauma.” The scratching of the quill does little to distract me. When I withdraw my finger, I am not surprised to see a light amount of pink. “Possible anal fissures.”

He was raped. From the looks of it many times. I discard the gloves and continue my assessment. Many of his injuries are physical and will heal with time. As of right now though, I am unsure of what damage has been done to his psyche. Until he regains consciousness, I’ll not be able to assess his mental state. 

The pungent smell of urine and the unhygienic care leaves a bad odor. Severus was completely treated as if he were not a person. I take care to wash him thoroughly and clinically. He would not want this from me. No doubt he will be seething and angry that I have interfered with his well-being.

That is to say if he is even still himself. He survived as a spy during two wars. I would like to believe that nothing could break this man. 

But ten years is a long time, and my medical examination only reveals the most recent of trauma. 

Occasionally I speak other diagnosis aloud and the quill copies my words verbatim. “His hands are misshapen. They appear to have been broken at odd angels. Possibly crushed.” It will be easy enough to fix his hand, though I will have to refracture his delicate fingers in order to heal them correctly with as misshapen as they are. This is something trivial to heal. Even a third year- or at the very least a skilled second year could perform the spell. Which means they were broken, left to heal at unnatural angles.

And then broken again.

“His wrists are raw from restraints.” After I finish bathing him it’s easier to assess his body. What are bruises and what was merely grime. I have to remind myself that I did everything I could do. This isn’t my fault. And even if it were. This isn’t about me. Everything needs to be about Severus for the time being. He’s going to require near constant care. 

“Nil.” My house elf appears with a respectful bow. I’ve asked him these last three years that he’s lived with me to not bow to me, but that’s the one ‘order’ he refuses to follow. He will call me Harry. He will take the paycheck and even use it to buy himself clothing. However, he still remains a house elf, even if he has long since been free.

“Harry, what can Nil do for you.”

“I would like for you to alert the head mediwitch at St Mungos that I will be absent from work. Tell her that I will still care for the especially needy patients such as the Longbottom’s, but for the remaining time I will be having my hands full with personal matters.”

“As you wish Harry.” He bows again and then disappears with a single snap. I cannot take the chance of missing a single session with some of my patients, but for now the remainder of my patients that do not require regular counseling and care will have to be taken care of by another. 

I use only the highest quality potions on my ex teacher. I take special care to apply the correct amount to each and every blemish. This should at least aid in the lesser injuries. I also force him to ingest a half dosage of potion for pain. For not, until I know to what level these potions will effect his malnourished state, I will play it safe. Unfortunately, that means his care will be slow, but I do not want to put his body into shock by having him potentially overdose on potions. I am skilled enough to have all of his physical injuries healed in an instant, but the shock that his body would endure…

I’ve made that mistake before. Just because I have the ability does not mean that it is the correct action. 

I’m not a child any longer. I will not be impatient, I will remain a level head.

And I will not charge back to Azkaban and give that bastard exactly what he deserves. There will be a time for that, but Severus’s health must come first.

I place a charm on his room to alert me if he shows any signs of consciousness. It’s unlikely, but I would rather be overly cautious. I make a simple bone broth. He needs something light on his stomach that will prepare him for ingesting food regularly. Obviously, something that doesn’t need to be chewed. It doesn’t take longer than a handful of minutes. 

He’s not even moved since I left. That’s fine. Let him have a healing rest. Gently I incline him and let him lay back against my arm. Slowly, I give him half a spoonful at a time and then rub his scarred pale throat to stimulate his muscles to swallow. Another taste of food, and against encouraging his body to swallow. Once I’m satisfied with the measly amount, I lay him back down, clean him of the spillage from the broth, and then cover him. 

He is a modest man. If it at all made sense to clothe him, then I would have already done so, but I will be needing to apply more potions at such a regular pace, and I do not want to disturb his body anymore than I absolutely must. I am a professional. In a day or two at most when I feel that his body is in a more stable position, then I will dress him and move him until his own room- Granted still with monitoring charms. For now though, I am not letting him out of my sight or out of the range of my magical aura. 

I’ve had patients tell me that there is something warm about my presence. Something calming. Initially I wrote it off. For many of them I was the first that even attempted to help them. Naturally they would feel stronger in my presence.

That wasn’t the case though. 

It took more than a year for me to realize. Once I because qualified to heal others my body went through a change. My magic that had been growing for years was often unstable for me. After I defeated Voldemort, my magical powers were magnified. If I tried to accio my shirt from the closet then I might just as easily have the entire wall charging for me. As I focused on medical practices, my magic seemed to even out like… well like magic.

But that wasn’t the case. It was still seeping out of my body like a kettle releasing steam. When I focused on healing those around me that were broken, my magic seemed to surround them. My very will to seem them become well aided in them regaining strength. Patients that were unable to move became able to sit up entirely on their own. Not for great lengths, but still without physical assistance. 

I still don’t fully understand it, but I will accept it for what it is. My greatest magical feat was always luck after all.

Luck, and having someone in the shadows fighting to keep my stupid self, alive. 

I can fight to keep you alive as well Severus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I already missed Saturday to post something, but I'm just going to keep going and try to do better. Onward my ducklings.

He doesn’t move at all in his sleep. Silently I read in a chair near my bed. My bed that he is currently occupying. I should say that, silently I am holding a book that I have not read a word of. Every time I even glimpse at the page, I get distracted by the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. His sunken in cheeks betray how malnourished he is. As if I didn’t already know. He’s been asleep for fifteen hours. I’ve slowly fed him five times. Once every three hours. It’s important that he eat small portions since his stomach has shrunk. 

I can’t take my eyes off of him. I wish I could say it’s only because he’s my patient, but I know otherwise.

My eyes would always follow him. 

The way he carried himself was something of an enigma to me. He was disliked by even his coworkers. He never showed any inclination that he liked anyone or that anyone ever liked him- in even the most platonic of ways. Still, he carried himself like a proud warrior. A man that would not bow to any. A man that would not submit to anyone’s wills- though now I know otherwise. 

He is unbiasedly brilliant, and skilled enough to go toe to toe with even the strongest of wizards. A man who laid dying and only wished to see my eyes. He laid there dying as if he were a man without any regrets even though his memories showed otherwise. He was so… content.

The way he saved me first year. And I still didn’t trust him. And again, he saved me. Again and again and I ungratefully never thanked him. Never trusted him. I understand now, that is how he wished it. He always simultaneously held me securely close to him and at arm’s length. 

Ten years can do a lot to change a person, and I’m not the boy I was. Nor is he the same man thrown into that cell all those years ago. 

A part of me understands that I did everything I could, while another part insists that I should have charged Azkaban, wand raised and taken him by force if needed. Killing any that stood in the path to his salvation. I owe him everything, and yet I have done nothing. 

A whimpered groan sounds from the bed. The lights are already dim. I’m sure his eyes will be sensitive to the brightness otherwise.

“Severus.” His name escapes my lips and I’m reminded that I have no idea what to tell this man. It’s been so long. What should I say? How much of him is still himself. It’s about time for him to eat again. “Would you like something to eat?” I ask gently. His expression is unreadably, but there is an air of exhaustion to him. Acceptance, maybe? I’m not sure how he’s moving, but I will not stop him for now. He’s a free man, and I don’t want to startle this stranger until I’m sure of exactly what his emotional state can handle. I have to be patient. 

Misshapen hands push into the bed as he struggles to stand. I’m already standing beside him prepared to catch him in case his weak legs aren’t able to support his frame. His mouth is a thin line. “Severus?” I ask gently. He must have exhausted all of his energy because he’s lowering to his knees on the ground. Placidly he looks up at me, and I’m still waiting for him to say anything. “would you like something to eat?” I ask again, just as gently as before.

Pale awkward fingers reach forward and grab at the fly of my trousers. Before I can think to stop him, he’s is already in the process of pulling the fabric to my ankles. 

“What are you doing!” I shout stumbling back, nearly tripping over my own pants. This stranger flinches at my volume, and I once again feel a surge of anger. I may not be the smartest bloke, but I understand. Calm. Don’t show your anger. Don’t let him misunderstand. He doesn’t need me to stress him out further. “Severus, that isn’t necessary anymore.” His glazed eyes clearly don’t comprehend what I’m telling him. When I pull back up my pants, he only seems more confused. “If you are hungry, then I will get you something to eat. It isn’t necessary anymore to ‘earn’ your food.” Gently I touch his hand. “Let’s get you back in bed Severus.” 

He allows me to lift him and place him back in bed. He shows no response when I call my elf and ask him to bring some of the previously made broth for him. Silently Severus looks at his hands as if not understanding that they are his. 

It’s a priority that I keep my tone calm. “Severus.” I say gently. He doesn’t respond to his name, but I keep talking. “Do you know where you are?” He allows me to spoon feed him. Still, he says nothing. He relies on leaning against the headboard to keep him upright. I doubt he could hold himself up without it. I give him another spoonful, and he swallows it. “Do you know who I am?” His shoulders are hunched over, and his eyes are completely dull. 

I manage to feed him a few more spoonfuls. He looks drugged and I make a mental note to test him for any substances when he is unconscious again. Despite the miniscule bites, he still makes a mess and fells to swallow all of the liquid. 

“That’s enough for now. Anymore and you may get sick. I will give you more food in a couple hours.” Dull eyes look at me not understanding the words. Again he tries to make a move to get out of bed. His dull eyes are only looking at my lap. “No Severus.” He tilts his head like a confused puppy that’s been abandoned. “Stay in bed. I promise there will be more food soon.”

I know that he doesn’t understand anything that I’m telling him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he should still be talked to like an adult. Every patient deserve respect- even if they do not understand what is happening to them.

“Would you like to rest a bit longer? I will wake you when it’s time to eat again.” I help him under the blanket, but he doesn’t close his eyes. I smile at him gently. “You are safe now. You can let yourself rest.” He clutches the quilt laid over him in his misshapen fingers. I grab the book I had set down when he woke up and turn it to the first page. In a calm pacifying voice I read the words at an even tone. 

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness…” before I have finished the first paragraph, his eyes are closed and he’s drifted to sleep. I close the well-worn book. I’ve read this novel, countless times already. The edges are frayed and the spine is bent from being loved a little to well. I could of course use magic to fix it. Magic can fix anything in a sense, but no everything should be fixed. I could mend the spine and un-yellow the pages, but would it contain the same memories. Can an object truly be fixed once it is broken, or does the act of fixing kill what it once was. 

I can heal Severus. I can hide every scar and clear his addled mind, but that doesn’t mean he will be the same as he once was. He will be someone entirely new. The exterior may appear new, but deep beneath the surface the damage still exists. The damage will always exist.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two chapters for all of you. It's been difficult lately you guess, but I managed to get some writing done. Onward my ducklings.

“Harry, Miss Weasley is here to see you.”

“Which one?” I ask not looking up.

“The sister.” I can hear the sound of displeasure in his voice. Nil never has cared for Ginny. “She is in the parlor.” He bows and excuses himself. I wasn’t expecting her today, but it isn’t unheard of for her to spring a visit on me. I take my time though placing monitoring charms on Severus. He’s resting for now, but I do not want to take the chance of him waking up and finding a way to harm himself. Merlin knows this man could find a way to harm himself in a padded room.

Once I feel as confident as I can that he will be fine until I return, I leave him.

Immediately I feel anxious. I know that I will be alerted if he wakes up. I know that he is not in critical condition. Still. I am more attached to him than any of my other patients. Maybe because I owe him so much.

“Ginny.” I great lightly. She’s already sitting comfortably on the loveseat. Nil appears with a pot of tea and two cups. Silently he pours my cup, cuts his dark eyes to my ex fiancé and then sets the teapot back down. He bows to me politely and then dismisses himself.

“He still hates me I see.” She says absentmindedly. 

“I don’t think it’s hated, so much as, extreme dislike.” She fills her own cup. 

“I suppose I did play a part in it. I could have handled our breakup better. I just was always so sure since I first met you that you and I would end up together.” She smiles wistfully. After the war, I proposed. We never really dated, but it just seemed like the step I was intended to take. The Weasley’s already treated me as family, and I wanted to be one of them even more. I liked Ginny well enough. She was pretty and someone familiar. 

I just was never in love with her. I thought that maybe one day I would love her. I thought it would eventually come. It didn’t though. I found myself finding more and more reasons to postpone our wedding until… until eventually I just canceled it. 

Ron still hasn’t forgiven me for breaking his little sister’s heart. Even though it’s been six years. We get on well enough, but there is no denying that I completely mucked up our friendship. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s really all that I can say. She shakes her head as if dismissing the conversation.

“Let’s just cut to the chase. We both know why I’m here.”

“I have a suspicion.”

“The magical world is already in an uproar. Everyone is choosing sides.”

“Ginny, he served his time. All I did was make sure he was released.”

“I know, Harry. That doesn’t change the fact that many believe he should have stayed in Azkaban.” She takes a sip of her tea and places the cup delicately down. 

“I couldn’t leave him in there Ginny.” She tilts her head and smiles tightly.

“Harry, we both know the truth. It’s just us, so let’s stop dancing around this. I know you fancy him. I don’t understand why exactly- I’ll never understand how you can want him, but not me…” She exhales calming herself. “But I don’t need to understand.” I never told her that I prefer men. I’ve never told anyone, but she seems to have known about my preferences longer than I have. Even when I was searching for answers, even when I was finding groundless reasons to postpone our wedding, Ginny was already understanding what I couldn’t bring myself too.

She was livid. Accused me of leading her own- and I guess I did. But she never told anyone that the reason we didn’t work out is because I’m gay. I wasn’t on good terms with the Weasleys for nearly a year. I was alone except for Nil. 

I drank myself stupid each day- to afraid to be sober and question who I am. I had no one. Just the barely taken off career. Nil still doesn’t like Ginny. He doesn’t like any of the Weasleys, but since Ginny is the only one who ever comes and visits- he takes he dislike out on her.

“Harry, I know our relationship is.. strained. And I know you may not understand my motives, but I’m on your side. Whatever outcome may come of this, I will do what I can. It could be beneficial for me to interview you for an article for the daily prophet. The masses adore you, and if you publicly speak for Snape, then I believe even more will accept your decision. Naturally there will be those unswayed, but I believe even those may eventually come around.” She laces her fingers together. “I know you didn’t ask for my advice…” She awkwardly laughs, “but you know that I never wait to be asked.”

“Ginny, I…” She holds up her hand.

“Please don’t apologize anyone. I know you are busy with… your new patient, but once he is settled in. I think you should consider coming out to my family. Right now, they just don’t understand. They can’t accept that you proposed and then also decided for no reason to end it. I understand because well, I know the truth. I think they would come around if they knew. It’s not my place to tell them, and although they know you and I are on decent terms they can’t help but be protective of me.” She laughs to herself. “I mean you know how family is.” Immediately after these words her eyes grow wide. “I am so sorry! I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s fine Ginny. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just not comfortable… yet.” She smiles gently.

“Just take your time. When you are ready, I’ll be there for you.” She’s a good person. I would be lucky to be married to her. She has a large welcoming loving family. 

My charms go off and she immediately notices the shift in atmosphere.

“Ginny, I’m sorry, but I have too…”

“I know Harry.” A small forced smile splits her face. “I know. I’ll see myself out.” She looks at me a final time then turns abruptly and leaves without another word. I don’t have time to dwell on how sorry I feel.

Severus is awake, and I’ll not leave him alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy. Onward my ducklings.

Immediately I notice that he looks much more coherent. It’s not unheard of for prisoners to be drugged or sedated to make them easier to ‘care’ for. By now, most of the foreign chemicals would be out of his system. His eyes are widely searching the room- I’m not sure for what. He’s managed to get out of bed, only to collapse on the floor just next to it. The light pajama bottoms spill around his waist. Even tightening them as much as I could still left them baggy- and also to short being as they are mine. 

“Severus.” I say his name evenly from the door way in an attempt to not startle him. Dark empty eyes stare through me. “You are safe here. Please try to calm yourself so that you do not stress out your body further.” I take a step further and he flinches back. I can’t leave him on the floor. “Severus, I’m going to come closer. All I want to do is help you back onto the bed. Afterwards, If you will allow me, I would like to inspect to see how you are healing. There is also more bone broth that I can bring for you.” I take slow strides closer to him. Once I am within reach of him, he lunges for me. His fingers rake across my skin in an attempt to rip off my flesh. His empty mouth latches onto my wrist. 

With as much effort as he can, he’s punching me and kicking me. Most of the pain comes from holding him in such a way that he cannot accidently harm himself. Right now he just doesn’t have enough strength to cause serious injuries. “Severus. It’s okay.” He either doesn’t hear me, doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care. If I let him continue he could exacerbate his condition. 

“ _Somnus.”_ I say clearly. At first, he fights the spell. “It’s alright now Severus. I have you. I promise, you are safe.” Weakly, his hands continue futilely to fight me, but the spell has already taken ahold of him until he has fully collapsed into my arms. I didn’t want to use any unnecessary spells. I don’t want him to be afraid of me, but I am his caretaker first and foremost.

For a long moment I sit there on the floor with Severus in my arms. His head is heavily buried into my shoulder, and his thick unruly hair brushes against my cheek. I don’t mind that he attacked me. Honestly, I’m thankful. He was so different from himself the first time he woke up. I’m glad that my old sour professor still has some fight in him. That means that there is still some of his old self in there. I’m sure he fought the warden with all the pride and determination that he’s always been known for. I have no doubt that his hands were crushed to make them unusable as defense. And his teeth were pulled for the same reason. If he had the ability, he would have bit deep into the tender part of my wrist. 

He wasn’t fighting to just defend himself. If Severus was able to, he would have killed me. 

I lay him limply back on what has become his bed. My entire room has become his. I can’t bring myself to leave him even to rest in another room. I fall asleep sitting up in this chair beside the bed each night.

Severus is actually healing nicely- as far as the physical injuries go. Until he is fully coherent and not a possible threat to my life, I’ll wait to regrow his teeth. His hands can still wait for now as well. 

With time I would like to get his weight up. Maybe have his unruly hair cut. It’s so matted I’m not sure how easily the knots could be brushed out. All of that is for another time though. 

“Harry, your neck is bleeding.”

“It’s fine Nil.”

“In the time it would take for you to heal yourself, no change will be made to your patient. A doctor cannot heal another if he is in need of healing. Do not forget yourself just because you believe your needs are not at vital.”

“Was it a mistake?”

“Was what a mistake Harry?”

“I could have married Ginny. I could have had children. A family.”

“Not every family shares the same appearance. Not every family is large or related. I do not believe mistakes are anything more than choices. Just because you choose a different path does not make it wrong or right. Just a different choice.” He smiles toothily. “And making a choice for the wrong reason would only create unhappiness.”

“I love Ginny. I really do. And I love her family. I just wish it was mine. I love her, just not the way I was expected to.”

“And what way is that?” Nil asks me in his aged voice. “Do not devalue yourself.” He bows to me respectfully. “Now, I mustn’t chit chat anymore. Much to do. Take care to heal yourself.”

Sometimes I feel like it was a mistake. Not just with Ginny. I feel like my entire being was a mistake. There are more important problems though to dwell on. Nil is right. It’s just choices. 

I quickly heal my injury- I don’t want to upset Nil. House elf or not- he isn’t someone to make cross.

Severus is healing at a great pace. 

I still want to go back and half a talk with that warden. Calm. Calm. That isn’t important right now though. I have to focus on the positives. He’s healing. He still has fight in him. He’s not given up, and neither will I. 

My hand reaches out and cups his cheek before I even realize I’ve moved. His sunken in cheek is boney, but it’s warm. Because he’s alive. 

Ginny and I have never talked fully about my preferences. I’m not sure how she found out, and I’ve never confirmed anything she’s said. Never directly at least. The words ‘I prefer men’ or ‘I’m completely bonkers over my ex professor’ have never come out of my mouth. I have a hard enough time admitting it to myself. When I saw him laying face down in that prison every part of me felt like it was breaking. I wanted to hurt everyone and also curl up next to him and hurt right along side him.

Even now, I just want to lay next to him and hold him until I know for sure that he will be alright. The part of me that never matured still lingers on these thoughts, but I’m not a student that can just obey any whim I feel. 

I’m an adult. So I will be professional. Because that must come first before anything else.

I do love him. I know I do. Just being this close to him has my heart thumping in my ear, but I have no intention of ever pursuing those desires. He’s my patient.

And nothing more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact. I started writing chapter six more than a week ago and made it about half way through before thinking- it's to soon for 'enter spoiler free idea' to happen. I should wait a few more chapters. So I scrapped it and may or may not use part of that chapter later on. For now though. I hope you enjoy this delayed chapter. Onward my ducklings.

He’s conscious more often, but still very much feral. He hasn’t necessarily attacked me again, but each time he wakes, he backs himself into a corner and refuses to look away. If I provide him with food, he hungrily guards it and eats it like a starved animal. For now. I’m just letting him. I limit the amount of food so that his stomach can slowly stretch back to normal. Sometimes he eyes me suspiciously, but as long as I keep my distance- he doesn’t waste energy attacking me. 

I’m still very careful to stay close by in the event that he needs help. My door is charmed to not let anyone except for me in or out. Monitoring charms are always active when I’m not visibly watching him. Though I loathe having him literally locked up still, it is for his safety. 

I lace all of his meals with medicine and potions to encourage his body to keep healing. If he had all of his facilities then he would be more cautious, but the simple truth is- he doesn’t. This Severus is a stranger, just as much as the Severus I knew before I lost him to Azkaban. I do not know either of them.

And still I find myself drawn to both.

This does prompt the next step in his healing. I feel much more confident that his body can handle the more burdensome and invasive healing. I still wouldn’t dream of attempting this when he’s conscious or overwhelming him with everything at once though. While he does wake more often- and stay awake longer, he still sleeps more than not and it’s easy enough to wait for his body to give out. Once again I cast the spell on him to keep him asleep. It’s going to be painful, and I can’t take the chance of him waking up in the middle terrified and desperate to defend himself.

Gently I take his left hand first. Soaking it in a potion, I allow the concoction to soften his bones and make them easier to rebreak. I already have everything prepared. The skele-gro, something to aid with pain. 

“I’m sorry.” I know he can’t hear me, but I hate this. _Snap._ His pinky is broken as if it were a twig. I use my fingers to delicately reset the finger making sure to keep it straight. I splint it to keep it in shape while I work on the next. “I’m sorry.” I repeat. Each finger must be broken carefully so that it regains it’s full mobility. The joins and knuckles of his long fingers are especially tricky to work around. As narrow and delicate as they are- it is much more difficult than resetting a broken leg. The full process to fix both of his hands takes well over three hours and I’m completely exhausted by the end of it.

But my reward is seeing his hands set to their former glory. No longer misshapen and borderline unusable. Those hands that could dice and slice at such a speed while daintily staying spotless. After a day of potion’s class my hands would be stained, but his were always beautifully pale. It’s a good step forward. 

His teeth will still need to be regrown, but that can still wait. He will still feel residual pain from this procedure and I don’t want to overwhelm him. He eats in such a way that if the food were not mostly liquid then he would choke- the teeth will come soon, just not yet.

I keep him asleep for a full day. Meticulously I wash him knowing that it could be awhile before I get another chance to do so. I’ve had to rely mostly on magically cleaning and although that works decently it just doesn’t replace a good wash. I change his clothes and comfortably lay him against my chest while I slowly brush through the knots in his matted hair. 

I’m not much of a barber, but I cut off the majority of the length. It’s still much longer than he always had it before, but this is fine for now. It actually looks quite nice near the center of his shoulder blades. Even the streaks of gray dull his normally stark black hair. It softens him. Asleep, all tension is gone from his face.

Now isn’t the time for these thoughts though. 

Gently I curl each finger to keep them from stiffing up. This will have to be regularly done to make sure he maintains full use of his hands. 

I feel better now though. Still a lot to be done, but I feel better and he will as well.

“Sleep time now.” Nil says calmly.

“I’m going to stay here tonight.” 

“Your patient will still be here in the morning, but you haven’t slept in a bed since you have brought him home. Tonight you will sleep properly.”

“Nil, he shouldn’t be left alone.”

“He will be fine.” Says Nil in his no nonsense tone. His aged face splits into a kind understanding smile. “Your health must be maintained as well. Your patient will be fine while you sleep. If he wakes, you will know.” He grabs the sleeve of my shirt. “Now come along. I have set up the guest room for you.” I try to reason with him, but he just attempts to pacify me by promising that he will wake me if Severus shows any negative signs.

With a snap the lights are dimmed. This bed was originally going to be for Severus. It’s never been slept in. It actually feels wrong to sleep in his bed- never mind that he’s never even been near it. Still though the plush bed comfortably holds me and despite my efforts, I’m asleep before Nil is fully out of the room.

_“Mr. Potter, our newest celebrity.” I’m eleven. Sitting in this room for the very first time. Professor Snape is staring down at me as if I were nothing but vermin. As if I were one of his potion ingredients ready for processing. I’m nervous under his scrutiny, but I’ve learned to never show it. My uncle made sure to teach me this lesson. I look to Ron hoping for some reassurance, but he’s not there. Neither are any of my other classmates._

_I’m alone in this class. I’m alone trapped under his striking gaze._

_Both of his hands come down swiftly on my desk and the loud clap makes me flinch. He’s bent forward impossibly close to me. He smells like leather and cloves. His face is only a breath away and I can see the endlessness of his eyes._

_I’m fifteen and having him this close makes my neck feel hot. Tightly I keep my legs together in an effort to hide the discomfort in my pants. It’s impossible to take my gaze off of his thin pale lips. I want to taste them. I want to taste his lips and anything they have ever tasted._

_“Do not presume that I am someone capable of being wooed Mr. Potter.” Right now I couldn’t care less about wooing him, I want something much more carnal. He smirks in an entirely to taunting way. “I do hope you’ve studied for your potion’s final, because there will not be a curve.” The lump in my throat is expanding and it’s difficult to breathe. “But maybe you can change my mind if you plead enough.” Long fingers grab my chin and I can feel his nail threateningly press against my throat. “Are you going to beg me?”_

_Oh Merlin I want him under me. I can taste his breath against my lips. If I could just reach them. I only want to taste those pale lips and see if they are as sweet as I’ve dreamt. “Tell me what you desire Harry.”_

_“You.” The word is out of my mouth quickly followed by shame. I don’t want to be mocked or treated with disdain, but his eyes allow nothing but complete honesty. A deep playful laugh plays like music._

_“That is all I needed to know.” I’m not sure what feels tighter my pants or my chest. The adrenaline is to much I need the climax, but I’m desperate to stay in this limbo forever._

I get neither.

The charms ring loudly in my ear even though to any other there would only be silence. He’s awake. I’m tripping over the sheets frantically trying to get to him as quickly as possible. Down the hall I rush past Nil on his way to wake me. I don’t slow to acknowledge the little elf to desperate to reach him.

I slam open the door and freeze in my tracks.

He isn’t curled against the wall as he’s immediately done each other time he’s woke. He isn’t glaring at me. No. He’s only looking at his healed hands in concentration. I watch him as he curls his fingers and winces at the stiffness. But he can move them. He continues to flex and turn his hands over as if not fully recognizing them as his own. 

Heavily he turns to finally look at me. His head is tilted- observing me openly. Again he looks down at his mended hands and then back at me. 

“I fixed them.” I say easily while staying beside the door. He doesn’t like to be crowded when he’s awake. “I’ve learned a lot since you were my teacher.” I smile trying to convey that I am not a threat to him. He’s safe. “I’m a healer. I fixed your hands and with time, I’ll fix your teeth as well. I promise. You’re safe here.” Slowly he slides back into bed and pulls the covers up to his chin. 

“Thank you.” The words are hushed, garbled and almost unrecognizable, but I heard it. I close the door and collapse just outside it.

He spoke. He responded. He understands- somewhat at least. I try to not get my hopes up, but it’s impossible. Nothing can sober me in this moment. Whatever tomorrow brings, right now everything is perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many ideas for future chapters of this story, but i'm just not there yet. Thank you all for such wonderful comments, and I hope you all enjoy this one. Onward my ducklings.

Though now I know that he can at least speak when he feels the need, not much has changed. Even when I try to prompt him to talk to me, he often doesn’t. He stares emptily into the wall for hours, and as long as I do not touch him- he’s content to stay that way.

He does not respond well to touching in any way. 

Assessing his condition is difficult since he’s so absent. Sometimes he will speak and the little I understand with his speech issues is often incomprehensible. He will speak in circles- never really stopping on any one thought. He will only eat if I am out of the room. He will only sleep if I am out of the room. All in all- he only ‘trusts’ me if he is able to actively watch my any movement.

Maybe this should dishearten me, but honestly it is such a Severus action that I’m satisfied. 

“A’gail.” He speaks that word a lot. Unprompted he will repeat it over and over trying to get me to understand whatever it is that he needs. I just don’t understand. His speech his so garbled, but I need his hands to heal a bit more before I attempt to regrow his teeth. 

“Severus, I don’t understand.” He flexes his fingers wincing much less than normal. 

“Ab. A’gail.” He tries harder.

“I’m sorry. I still don’t know what you are trying to tell me.” His dark eyes are exhausted- healing takes a lot of energy and I doubt he will be conscious much longer. “Severus, try to get some sleep. Whatever you are worried about- you are safe. I’ll leave so you can rest.” He’s clearly unsatisfied with this, but says nothing. He protectively grips the blanket pulled up to his chin. As I close the door behind me, I already hear soft snores. 

“How is he?”

“Strange having you visit.” It’s difficult to hide the ice in my tone. “He’s getting better each day, but he has such a long road ahead. Hermione shifts the baby in her arms. “I suppose Ron decided to stay behind.”

“Harry, I’m worried about you.”

“There is nothing for you to worry about.”

“We both know you’re obsessed. You never half heartedly do anything. I know you feel indebted to Professor Snape- we all do to some extent, but there isn’t any reason for you to… You’ve been pulling away from all of us for a long time, and I just don’t understand why.” This isn’t the first time Hermione has come to visit me. “The three of us were so close once and I just don’t understand what’s made you change.” Her daughter squirms in her hands and she once again repositions the little bundle. “You called off the wedding with Ginny without giving anyone a solid reason. You left for years without any warning and didn’t even give us a way to contact you. Then when you come back you are a completely different person. You and Ron are at odds, I don’t even know you anymore, and you’ve deliberately cut off all contact with every single person that cares about you to take care of a man that you hate and that hates you.” 

“Come sit down. Let’s have a cup of tea.” The fire in her eyes dies down as she follows me. Tightly she holds her child like a life line. Nil silently pours both of us a cup and then leaves just as quickly. I take several sips before I speak. “Hermione, you are a know-it-all that cannot stand being ignorant. That’s caused you to have such a tight hold on all control that you now believe you are owed an explanation for everything when in fact you are not owed anything.” Her face is red with both embarrassment and irritation. “I’m not a child that needs to have another think for them as I often relied on you to do for me. Most of that comes from growing up. Ginny and my relationship or lack there of is purely between the two of us. Ron understandably choose his sister’s side without even considering his ‘best mate’. And you Hermione understandably choose your husband’s side. I used that time separated from everyone to discover exactly who I was and am without any outside meddling. As for Severus. What I choose to do with my time is my business alone.”

“But.. but Harry!”

“There are some things that cannot be learned in books. I don’t expect you to understand how I feel in this entire mess. It was always the three of us, but along the way to now- we have all changed. Some changes are obvious and some… some are not as easy to confess aloud.”

“I just don’t want us to continue to drift apart.”

“Neither do I, but I also cannot go back to who I once was.” 

“Ginny still loves you.”

“And I love her. She is a beautiful woman with many amazing traits. Any guy would be lucky to have her, that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to marry her. And I never will want to.”

“I understand.” She doesn’t though. She’s still mulling over information.

“I do actually need your help though. No one is better at researching than you. The head warden of Azkaban. I believe his name is Reign. I need every scrap of information you can get on the man.” She furrows her brows already puzzling.

“I know a bit about him. His wife died to death eaters and he’s been the head warden for nearly thirty years.”

“I need more than that.” 

“Does this have something to do with Professor Snape?”

“It has something to do with every patient I have ever received from Azkaban including but not limited to Severus. I’ve been gather my own notes, but since all of my patients are addled in some way- they are mostly unusable. Just data.”

“I’ll.. I’ll start immediately. Give me a few days and I’ll come back with whatever I dig up.”

“Thank you, Hermione, you’re the best.” As easy as it is to ignore my past friendship with her, is as easy as it is for me to fall back into old habits. I love her- always have. There was a time she felt like family, but she has her own family not and the bonds of friendship mean nothing when compared to that. I know where I fall.

“I’ll do what I can, just think about talking with Ron. You know he won’t take the first step.”

“I’ll think about it.” As much as I would like to have my friendship with him back, I know that I will not sacrifice what I am now. It’s too much to give up. Just like they would choose each other over anything, I…

I would choose Severus.

All of the good. All of the bad. Barbed comments, untrusting demeanor. A shell of who he once was. The rocky past, the uncertain future. It would still be him. 

I would still choose Severus.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world is crazy right now. All I will say is that the media often lingers only on the negatives of the world and thus sometimes it may seems as though the world is full of corruption and evil. In truth, yes corruption exists, as does evil. Never forget though that the world is filled with so much more than just the pain, racism, evil, and corruption that the media reminds us of daily. Regardless of where you live in the world, or what religion you may or may not follow, or the color of your skin, or what newest catastrophe may or may not exist currently. There is good. There will always be good people that strive to love everyone and though that may not be what we are all reminded of daily, never forget that you are loved and that the world doesn't have to be a scary place. I love each and every one of you. Stay safe during these times and strive to show love instead of hatred. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Onward my ducklings.

Cheerfully Alice shows me her picture. She’s already vividly describing the doodle.

“See. See. It’s the boy that comes. The one that…” She stalls for a moment. “He brings the candy.” She insists trying to get me to understand.

“That’s right. His name is Neville. You like Neville right?”

“Oh yes! He is a very sweet boy.” She nods energetically. “Very sweet. His parents must be very proud.” Frank also nods to confirm this thought.

“Remember, Neville is your son.” Her eyebrows furrow in though.

“Yes.. that’s rights. I… I must have forgotten.” This is a common occurrence. They know Neville. They even occasionally recognize him as their son, but their minds are scattered. Frank shows up his picture next. It’s not a clear picture, but it shows two little stick figures near many large ones. 

“That’s a very nice picture.” If I had to compare their mental state, I would say that Frank is near the age of a six or seven year old. Alice would be closer to that of a nine year old. Their concentration is low and unless the ‘play time’ as they call it engages them then I can’t make any progress. They can draw, so I let them draw. 

“What did…” Frank stalls trying to focus on what he is saying. I know what he means to say, but I know providing him with words does not help him long term. “You. What did you draw?” I smile encouragingly.

“I drew a really strange picture. I’m not really sure what it is. What do you think it looks like?” I show them both the ink blob.

“A snake!” Frank exclaims. “It’s a snake.”

“No it’s not.” Alice argues. “It’s a woman.” Frank shakes his head agitatedly. 

“No, you can see the snake’s teeth. It’s a snake.”

“That’s not teeth. That’s the woman’s eyes.”

“I think you are both right. It does look like a snake, and it also looks like a woman.” I don’t see either. All I see when I gaze into the ink blot is stairs. Stairs and a little door. I can deny to everyone that that is the first thing I see, but I cannot lie to myself.

This particular little ‘drawing’ is unique in that no one will see the exact same thing. It is similar to a muggle Rorschach test, but this one is similar to how a boggart changes into a person’s fear. 

It’s not a perfect test, but it’s a start. I invented this little test and I’m not fully sure how exactly it works. I know how it’s intended to work. The person who looks at it will be able to see whatever troubles them most. As it’s just a picture, it is not always the most accurate, but even so. Frank isn’t troubled by a snake and Alice isn’t troubled by a woman.

Unless they are. It is possible that to them, their minds are still locked in a battle. For me though, it doesn’t make sense. I’m not troubled by my cupboard. 

It’s a complicated process and since mental wellness is still very much new in the magical world, there are few advances. For most magical folk, if they cannot brew a potion or wave a wand the solution goes undiscovered.

Today I had to put Severus into a deep sleep to avoid a possibility of him waking while I was gone and potentially harming himself. I try to only do this sparingly though as I would much prefer his body correctly learn to reregulate itself. I had little options this time though. I still have monitoring charms and a portkey directly into his room. I just… I want to make every precaution to keep him as safe as possible.

“They are both in good spirits today.” Neville says. I’m not fully sure when he appears or how long he’s been standing next to me. Alice is already contently sucking on the hard candy she was given.

“I’m happy with the progress they have both made.” He smiles at them.

“When I was a kid they were so fearful of everything around them. I know neither of them will ever be the people that they once were, but I’m okay with that. I’ve made my peace with that a long time ago. As long as they are happy, I’m happy.” Neville has grown a lot since the war. He’s not the pudgy fearful boy he was our first year. “I can’t tell you how thankful I am.” And he’s become one of my closest friends.

“Neville, I need a favor.” He furrows his eyebrows clearly paying attention. “And you probably will not like it.”

“Anything Harry. You know that.” I already know he will agree.

“I have to run some interference. I don’t feel comfortable leaving Severus alone for that length of time though, and I certainly can’t put him to sleep all day.”

“Absolutely. Just tell me when you need me to and I will be there.”

“I apologize. I know you don’t like him.” 

“I don’t have to like him. You do and that’s the only thing that matters in this situation. I never really disliked him so much as, I was terrified of him. I was such a screw up in his class that he singled me out and that only made me more nervous and screw up worse.” He laughs in his deep voice. “None of that really matters though. If you think he’s worth the trouble then he is.” He pats my shoulder in a comforting manner. Neville has a very calming disposition, but he’s strong. If Severus became unruly and needed to be restrained then Neville absolutely would be able to, but I know he wouldn’t abuse any power he has over him. “How is he?”

“I’m not sure if he knows who I am or where he is. I talk to him in the hopes that something will make sense to him, but he is very much a wounded animal.”

“Anything I need to know?” He doesn’t linger of this question, just says it and comfortably waits. 

“He was tortured. And hurt in some of the most violent and egregious ways. It isn’t my place to go into specifics, nor would I in this situation, but suffice to say, he responds poorly to touch. He isn’t the only prisoner that was treated in this way. The warden is more than abusing his power and when the time comes to stop him, I may need allies. I hope that this can all be solved peacefully, but…”

“Realistically it will take violence. I understand.”

“I really hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

“Well, if it does you know that Luna and I will be on your side.”

“I know.” It’s nearly time for me to return home, but Neville continues.

“Luna was saying something completely bonkers before I came here today.” He cuts his eyes in my direction in a poignant fashion. “Others may think that she just _is_ bonkers.” He laughs ruefully. “She was bloody terrorized for it in school and never once let it hurt her. You and I though know a bit better. Luna is surprisingly gifted at reading others.” He nods to himself as if coming to a decision. “It’s not any of my bloody business, but if she’s right and you are ‘smitten with the injured thing’ as Luna put it, then I wish you all the luck. You can talk to me about it and I wont freak out. Or if you don’t want to talk about it that’s also fine. Just what ever you need to do mate. I understand what it’s like to care for someone and they… not know you.” He smiles gently at his parents. “It can be really disheartening.” He shrugs. “If Luna’s right that is.”

“Why does she think that I’m… ‘smitten’?”

“Honestly, I don’t really understand how she came to the conclusion. She said something about Nargles and mistletoe, but she’s normally right when it comes to love and infatuation. Merlin, I didn’t even know I loved her until she told me that I didn’t have to be nervous because the Nargles already told her. I didn’t even know what she meant! She just knew, and she knew so confidently. She’s not normally wrong about this. I’m just saying- I know that being a pouf isn’t exactly widely accepted, but at least with me and Luna if you were- that isn’t something that would change our opinion of you. Or if you did fancy Snape. You did your time for the magical world. Merlin, we all did.” He says looking at his parents. “but you deserve to be happy and fancy whoever you fancy.”

“This isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing.”

“That’s fine too.” And the way he says it, I can tell he means it. I don’t have to ‘come out’ if I’m not ready. And I’m not. My little cupboard is safe. It may be small and stifling, but it’s comfortingly familiar. 

Regardless though. If it’s not Severus then I’m not interested, and I have no intention whatsoever of ever being with him. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill. Onward my ducklings.

He patiently allows me to bend and curl each finger. If he feels any pain or discomfort then he doesn’t show it on his passive features. 

“Severus.” He doesn’t respond to his name so I just continue. “You are healing nicely. I think you are stable enough to go outside if you would like. I have a garden and it’s perfect weather out, and I think a bit of sun could do a lot of good for you.” He tilts his head as he looks up at me. Dark eyes pierce me as if looking for any deceit. “Would you like to sit outside for a bit?” Eyes narrow suspiciously but he does eventually nod slowly. “Just give me one moment. I take the sheet and wrap it around him securely. “It might be a touch brisk. Please excuse me.” While clearly unhappy with being lifted and carried, he doesn’t fight me. His body isn’t as frail as it was nearly a month ago when I first carried him out of that prison. While still very slender, he’s put on several pounds. 

Easily I bring him through the kitchen and out the door leading into my garden. I won’t deny that I’m anxious that he might try to ‘escape’. He can’t run- or walk for that matter. I could easily stop him if it came to it, but I just don’t want him to feel that I am confining him. He has to stay until he can take care of himself. When and if that ever happens, I will not keep him here. He needs fresh air and sun though. Severus has gone ten years without regular exposure, and I’ve had to be careful since I’ve brought him home. Ten years without exposure. It makes me think of the dark dungeons. Who knows how long he’s really gone without natural light. Still though, since I’ve rescued him, I’ve had to be careful of any exposure to sun.

Some of that couldn’t be avoided. His translucent skin and sensitive eyes wouldn’t respond well to the light in excess. I’ve opened the windows a time or two for brief intervals, and he responded negatively at first. His eyes couldn’t adjust to the light and blindly he thrashed in a desperate attempt to protect himself. More recently he’s responded positively. 

The air is a touch nippy, but nothing uncomfortable. Severus though is only dressed in light linins, and I don’t want him to catch a chill. I lay him on the ground and the bundled-up blanket unfurls. A few steps away I sit on the grass. “I’ll be right here if you need anything.” I wouldn’t call my garden anything special- I never really had a green thumb. A few flowers, but mostly just grass fenced off from the encroaching forest. 

Hesitantly he reaches out and touches the earth as if it were a trick. His dark eyes dart to me quickly, and when I don’t respond in any way, he tentatively pulls himself off of the sheet. Fingers push through the grass in fascination as if it were something new. Seemingly content that it’s safe and I have no intention of stopping him, he comfortably settles into a position on the warm ground and completely deflates. 

He exhales as if the air trapped inside him has been held for years. 

Maybe it has.

“You aren’t cold are you?” I ask, but he doesn’t answer. He deflates into the ground and just lays there quietly. For hours. 

I should be bored. Bored and just humoring a patient, but I’m not. For my patients, I have quietly waited for many things. Restlessly I would wait because that’s what I needed to do, but right now…

Watching him relax against the earth and seeing all the tension leave his body is enough to hold my interest long after we should have already gone inside. No words are shared between us, but still it’s comfortable.

At least for me.

As the sun sets and the temperature drops I know it’s time to bring him back to the warmth and safety of his room, but I detest taking away this bit of comfort he’s found. When he begins quietly shivering though, I know we have to go back inside.

“Severus.” He doesn’t speak. “I’m sorry, but we have to go back now. Next time the weather is pleasant I can help you outside again.” It takes no strength to rebundle him in the blanket and pick him up. He looks at me with dark endless eyes as if he’s given up. Given up any hope of refusal or fighting. “I’ll bring you outside again.” I try to assure, but he doesn’t respond. 

Passively he allows me to carry him back inside into his familiar bed. I lay him down. Cover him tightly and give him a reassuring smile. “If there is anything you want- you only have to tell me. If I’m able then I’ll do anything. My only goal is to get you healed up and better. As long as what you want doesn’t interfere with that, then… anything. Anything.” Just talk to me. Something. 

“Gail.” He says raspily. “A.. gail. Ba.” His sharp features pull into a dissatisfied grimace. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. I’m really trying to. I know you are trying to tell me something, but I just don’t understand.” 

“A.. ga.. il.” He tries again. Tightly he squeezes his hands in irritation. 

“Do you think you can write it down. Your hands were set properly, but I know they are still and it hurts to use them still.” I rummage through a nearby drawer and hold old the parchment and pen. He struggles to curl his long fingers around the narrow barrel of the pen and pain is clearly etched on his face. “Don’t force yourself.” He doesn’t listen. 

Severus has always had beautiful penmanship. As much as I hated to see the slashes on my school assignments, and the words clearly expressing how unpleased Severus was always felt like the slap, the elegant writing always looked beautiful. As the half blood prince he had two styles. One was rushed as if he could not contain the excitement of his thoughts. Those writings were often in the margin and had little to do with potions. The other was more clinical and was written with great care.

The word is sloppy both from the little control he has of his hand as well as the intense _need_ for me to understand. He shoves the paper at me intently.

_Abigail._

Immediately after thrusting the paper at me he cradles his hand against his body as if trying to ease the pain. Hands are difficult to heal and they take a great deal of time.

“Abigail?” I ask and he nods. I don’t know any witch named Abigail. Or who this person could be towards Severus. It stings to think that this very well could be someone special to him. Someone close to him. Maybe a witch that he… “I’ll find her. Can you tell me anything about her to help me.” He doesn’t say anything. It doesn’t matter. Whoever she is and whatever she may be towards him. If Severus wants her then I’ll find her.

I would do anything for him. I would do anything for any of my patients, but especially for him. I smile at him even though the action makes my chest ache. “I’ll find her for you.” I assure. “I’ll leave you to rest now.” 

I have to drag my body to my temporary room. Falling into my bed would hurt less if I were to fall onto cement… from fifty stories up. 

He was always alone. I thought that at least. But he is a man. It’s to be expected that he would… love. After all he fancied my mom. Of course girls suit him. It doesn’t matter. I knew from the beginning what my relationship with Severus is. Doctor and patient.

Damn it Harry, we went over this. I’m an idiot.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long. I haven't lost interest in this story so much as lost interest in everything. I had a hard time focusing on this story... well on trying to write at all honestly. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Onward my ducklings.

Abigail. I dont really know any witch by the name of Abigail. Severus is still far from himself though and any prodding for information is all but impossible. I'll find her somehow. "Harry, are you listening?"

"Sorry 'mionie," I apologize, "I know you came all this way but I can't seem to keep my mind from wondering." She studies me but actually manages to not question me. "You were saying?"

"The Warren's record is as clean as a newborns. Not a single dirty note. A truly model citizen." 

"That's impossible."

"I agree." She says smirking and crossing her arms. "So I changed my search." She flops a stack of papers on the table nearly knocking over her tea in excitement. The infant dozing on the floor doesn't stir. "This is a portion of what I was able to find. Keep in mind none of this is linked directly to the warden. Its almost like trouble finds the people he associates with. Family. Friends. And the wardens name is scrubbed from all of them. None of these records call him by name but there is certainly a pattern."

"Nothing that can actually help us then."

"Not a single thing. Crimes of murder, torture, and that's just a portion, but he must have had friends in higher places because nothing mentions him. If you wouldn't have asked me to research him I would have never even noticed."

"'Mione." As if reading my thoughts she smiles. 

"We will get him. Somewhere, somehow he's bound to have slipped up. I'll keep looking."

"Thank you."

"Have you thought about...Ron?" She hesitates to finish, but Hermione can never stop half way.

"No." She looks down at her feet. "Hermione. I can't."

"But why! Why." She says more quietly. Then she sighs. "I know. Sorry. I'm trying. I just can't stand when I don't understand something." She gives me a forced smile and I know she's deeply bothered. But I can’t regress now. “I’m trying.” She repeats. “He’s to stubborn, and you haven’t given any reason. What if it never goes back to how it was before. I hate feeling like I’m a go between, and I hate feeling like I’m the only one that wants the three of us to go back to before.” She doesn’t wait for me to respond. “I have to get back, but I’ll keep on looking for information.” She gives me a tight smile before taking her child and returning to her family. 

I have to get going to. Neville and Luna should be arriving soon. After giving them all of the directions on how to care for Severus until I return, I will be going and finally giving my interview. I’ve put it off long enough. I don’t want to leave him with anyone. Strike that. I just don’t want to leave his side to begin with, but I trust Neville and Luna with my life. I wish it was as simple to say that I trust them with his life. It’s so much more precious than my own. 

I’ve bathed, fed and dressed him. I’ve performed the spells to ensure that his bladder and bowels are empty. He will not be placed in any position where he might feel uncomfortable or humiliated. He will be treated with complete respect. I’ve tried to be as sensitive as possible when caring for him. I’m his doctor first before anything else, he is my responsibility and I just worry that others will not give him the same care that I’ve strived too.

He’s sitting comfortably in his bed, fully dressed as he always modestly did in the past. Granted, he is still in soft pajama material, but the long sleeve shirt is buttoned all the way up and the pants are tied. He has water close by. Nil has been instructed to alert me if anything happens. I have charms on the room. 

“Severus.” I say gently. He doesn’t look at me but I continue. “I will be out for a bit on a few important errands. If you need me for any reason at all, all you have to do is press the little button on that band around your wrist.” He thumbs the little charm as if noticing it for the first time. It’s linked directly to a matching one around my ankle. “Soon Neville and Luna will arrive to help you until I come back. If you need anything, they will help you, but if you don’t feel comfortable with them… then touch that charm and I will immediately come back.” I’m not sure how much he understands. I’m hesitant to go. There are so many potential issues that could arise. 

His brows furrow at the names, showing that he clearly does not understand. “Do you remember them? Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood? They are married now. After the war… they fell in love.”

“W..ar.” He says the word under his breath.

“Do you remember?” I ask very lightly. His eyes clinch shut as his fingers press into his temples. “Don’t force yourself. None of that is important right now. They will take care of you until I come back.” He tilts his head and looks at me. “Just touch the charm if you need me. And I will be back.”

A light knock pulls both of our eyes to the door.

“Enter.” I say and Nil walks into the room with an incline of his head.

“They have arrived.” He says and then leaves to continue his tasks. I pull the blanket back up to his chin and he settles into the bed. 

“Just try to rest until I get back.” It’s painful to leave the room. They are both waiting in my sitting room, comfortably making themselves at home. “Thank you again for this.” Luna smiles the way she always has. Easy and light without any tint of contamination from this world. 

“Of course Harry!” She says in her same cheerful voice. “We will do everything we can to make Professor Snape comfortable. I feel you are worried, but he will be perfectly safe.”

“We will take care of him.” Neville continues to assure. “Just do the errands you have to do, and we will take care of everything here.” 

It comforts me a little, but the anxiety is still in the back of my mind. Luna loses her smile. She lightly touches my arm, but offers no other words of reassurance. “I understand.”

I can’t focus on anything but returning to him. Like an obsession. I try to convince myself that it’s only because he’s my patient. 

It’s so much more than that.

“So in your opinion, Severus Snape is not a threat to the wizarding world.” 

“Not at all. He was always loyal to Dumbledore and the light. He has spent the last ten years serving a sentence that he did not deserve.”

“And could we interview the man hidden in shadows. I’m sure our readers would love a comment from him.”

“Not at this time. He has not been free long and is currently enjoying his freedom. Should he desire to interview in the future, then he or I will let you know.” She eyes me, knowing that I’m withholding information, but this interview has gone on as long as I can manage. “Thank you for your time Ms. Skeeter.” 

It was excruciating. I do not like being examined, and that is an hour I will not get back. For now, that will keep the media at bay, and keep them from searching him out. 

Besides, I have more pressing matters today. 

I have to return to that blasted prison and see if there is anything of Severus’s to retrieve. 

It is against protocol for a prisoner’s wand to be broken when they are slated for eventual release. I’m sure the warden did not uphold that. I’m not sure if any of his belongings will still exist, but it’s worth checking.

I hated leaving his wand behind last time I was here, but I knew it likely was already broken and I had more pressing matters. 

The air is just as stale and oppressive, but I steel my resolve. I do not let the maze of halls distract me from my purpose. I’m sure many of these prisoners are mistreated, and I will do what I can to help them, but they are not my purpose this time- nor do I really have proof. 

The small but clean office I find myself in is quant. It isn’t like the wardens office. A familiar face startles when it notices me.

“Oh! Um! Mr. Potter. How can I help you?” I saw her briefly last time.

“I see that your bruise has healed.” Her mouth hangs open as she touches her face. “But now your eye is swollen.” She gives me a tight smile.

“I’m a touch accident prone.” She forces a laugh. “Now, please tell me how I can help you.”

“Severus Snape. I have come to retrieve his belongings.” Loosely her arm goes across her chest to nervously scratch her neck.

“Well, I can certainly help with that. He’s been in so long though, I’m not sure how easily his belongings will be found.” She laughs again- the same uncertain laugh as before. “We are a bit in disarray unfortunately.” She clears her throat. “How um… How is he doing?”

“I’m in a hurry. If we could skip the conversation, I would very much like to retrieve what’s rightfully his and then hurry back to him.” She looks timidly down at her feet.

“Right. I understand. It’s just.” She scratches her neck again. “I do not want to waste your time.” She says gaining a bit of confidence. “There isn’t anything you would find, and you are better off just getting back to him now. Father… I mean the warden,” She gives me a tight smile, “Is currently out to lunch.” I already knew this and specifically came here at this time so that I would kill the bastard. It’s not time yet. Even though I want to take revenge for Severus so badly.

“Your father? I wasn’t aware that he had a daughter.” I look again at the bruises, and she instantly looks away in shame.

“If you understand, then please leave. He will get upset if he finds out you were here.”

“How long has he been abusing you?” She smiles at me and it breaks something deep inside.

“Please just leave it alone. Go home and take care of Professor Snape. He talked about you often early on” She laughs an actual real laugh. “He always said you meddled a lot. He’s a good person.” Tears dot her eyes. “Father will be cross if he learns that you were here. There isn’t anything left that belongs to Professor Snape because Father never intended for him to leave. Please just go.” I touch her swollen black eye and she flinches away from my hand. “I thank you for healing me last time, but it only causes more problems for me. I assure you, I am fine. I will not ask you again. Leave or I will have security escort you out. Please do not make me do that to you.”

“I’ll leave.” I turn but halt. “I’m sure Severus would benefit from knowing you asked about him. I never did ask your name though?”

“Oh.” She laughs awkwardly. “I guess I never did introduce myself. My name is Abigail.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a little bit. I have a lot of great ideas for stories coming up both on this story and others. Onward my ducklings.

It’s like I’m looking at her for the first time.

“Abagail?” She tilts her head and nods slowly, clearly unsure of my new tone.

“What is your… relationship to Severus if you do not mind me asking?” She opens her mouth then closes it.

“There isn’t much to say. It’s my job here to do most of the menial tasks. I bring the less dangerous prisoner’s food, paperwork sometimes, cleaning.”

“What else.” I say crossing my arms. She’s pretty enough. With a bit of time outside of this oppressive place and out from under her father’s thumb, her pale and splotchy completion would clear up. Bags under her eyes would shrink. First impressions show her to be genuinely nice if not frail. 

“I’m sorry? Did I do something to upset you?” Her tone is completely nonconfrontational. She’s so passive and meek. “I.. I know he was treated roughly here, but I… I couldn’t do anything about that.”

“You couldn’t have alerted the authorities? You couldn’t have done that much?” She’s looking down at her feet in shame. Severus was so insistent on this girl. I don’t know who I expected it to be, but a person that carelessly ignored the foul treatment of not only him, but every other victim here. “You put yourself above everyone.”

“I’m sorry.” She bites deeply into her bottom lip doing her best to not make eye contact. I hate her, or more to the point, I hate how bloody pathetic she sounds. I hate that Severus was so insistent over someone so… unimportant. 

“I don’t have time for this. When is the Warden going to be back?” She flinches at the reminder.

“Likely soon. I’m sorry. Please leave now. I can’t upset father.” She hangs her head lowly. 

“Why are you loyal to him.” She looks up at me, but flinches as soon as her eyes meet mine.

“I don’t… really have any other option. I swear, I did everything I could when Severus was here. I made sure he and every other patient ate as regularly as I could. I tended to their injuries as best as I could. I know it wasn’t enough.” Tears flow freely, “but it was all I could do. Father is… not a kind man. I know how angry he can be, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I though about telling someone, but I just… I’m sorry. I don’t have anywhere else to go. If father disowned me again… I can’t go back to that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Enough.” I don’t want to be around her another moment. “You are going to pay for what you allowed to happen.” She kneels in front of me and hangs her head lowly. Bile fills my mouth.

“Yes, I understand.” Her voice is cased in acceptance. 

“You will accept your punishment without argument.” Her shoulders tremble, but she nods waiting. 

“You will testify against your father when the time comes. Until then, you will be living in my home under the careful watch of my house elf. Your job will entail watching Severus when I am required to go to visit my other patients, as well as helping my house elf with any task he may need.”

“You are not going to… strike me?” 

“No.” 

“I… may not be of much use, but I will… do all that you ask of me.”

“You accepted quicker than I thought.” She smiles tightly at me.

“Once father finds out that you returned here, I wouldn’t have much more to live for anyway. I’m sure this would be the final straw for him.” I offer her my arm showing that I plan for us to apperate; I hate the feel on her thin bony fingers through the fabric of my robes. She staggers a bit when we arrive, but manages to catch her balance. 

“If you do anything that I see as a threat to Severus, then you will wish you were still with your father.” She flinches but nods. 

“Yes, I understand. I will do my best to not disappoint you.” 

“Nil.” The house elf immediately appears. “Please show her to the spare room. She will be staying with us. Keep an eye on her.” She startles upon seeing him, but passively follows him with a gentle nod in my direction. For now, I’ll check on Severus and make sure that everything has gone well while I was gone.

I see Neville first. He’s sitting against the door and give me a half smile.

“Is everything okay?” The lump in my throat swells. I shouldn’t have left. I should have never left his side for a single…

“He is completely fine. He wasn’t keen on me being around him, but he seemed to calm down as long as I wasn’t around. He was fine with Luna though. Can’t say I blame him; I would much rather have Luna take care of me too.” It must be clear that I’m still feeling anxious. “Harry, Luna is with his and he has been perfectly fine. He’s resting comfortably, and he even allowed her to help his eat. I think she’s in there brushing his hair now.” He smiles comfortingly. “I’m not even sure that he knew who either of us were, but the moment he saw me, he threw a fit. We didn’t want to stress him out, so I’ve just been close by in case Luna needed help with anything.” He stands and opens the door making sure to hide behind the door. “He’s mostly just been resting today.”

He looks completely at ease, and Luna really is brushing his hair while chatting sweetly to herself. He’s resting back against the headboard with his hands folded in his lap. His fingers fiddle with the charm to summon me, but he makes sure to not activate it. It sounds like Luna is telling him a story, and though he clearly doesn’t understand the majority of what she is saying, he’s listening intently. 

“Oh Harry!” She says noticing me and forgetting her story. “Look Severus, Harry is back.” He looks to the doorway and gives the ghost of a smile. “Severus was missing you loads. I was just telling him about my first year when we met when we talked about the thestrals.” She runs the brush through his hair a final time.

“I’m sure he didn’t miss me Luna.” I say good-naturedly. “He was probably happy to be rid of me a day.”

“Not at all.” She insists. “He hasn’t said it, but I’m sure he has been as anxious for you to return as you have been.” Luna gently lays her hand on top of his. “And he’s back now.” She says the words patiently and comfortingly. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand.” She tells him. 

“Luna, Severus isn’t’ really talking much.” She tilts her head at me and says in her knowing way.

“Yes, he does. You just have to listen. He’s the same as he’s always been Harry, no difference at all.” She looks at him and smiles. “I had a great time with you today Severus. We will have to do it again.” Luna embraces him like a friends would then embraces me the same way. “Come Neville, we are expected at the sitters.”

We all say our quick goodbys, and Severus stiffens upon seeing Neville and grabs at my robes with his long fingers.

“Severus?” He looks up at me blankly. “Are you alright?” He tilts his head and smiles. Merlin, I love him. “Are you feeling up for a guest?” His eyebrows furrow for a moment trying to fully piece together the words I’ve said. “There is someone who would like to see you. Is that alright?” It takes him a long moment but eventually he does nod. I summon Nil and ask him to bring our guest. 

Severus’s reaction is incredible. He looks at her, recognizing her immediately. Then he looks at me and exhales as if he had been holding his breath. I try to gauge his reaction. I’m both happy to see that he is relaxed with her, but also more than a little jealous. How I feel doesn’t matter though. The only thing that matters is Severus’s comfort and recovery.

“I’m glad you are doing well.” Bile sits in my stomach, but I ignore it. She takes a few steps closer, but then stalls. “I’m really sorry.” Tears well up in her eyes. 

“There will be occasions where I will need your help taking care of him. Before I trust you with his health tough, I need to make sure you can properly perform the spells. Until I’m sure you are adequate with magic, I will not leave you with him.” She opens her mouth then snaps it close. She awkwardly wraps her arm across her chest.

“I.. I’m sorry. I can’t.” Try to ignore the irritation Harry.

“And why can’t you.”

“I thought you knew.” She laughs uncomfortably showing her discomfort. “I’m a squib. I don’t have any magic. I’m so sorry.” She looks to Severus then back to me. “Please do not be cross.”

“Then why were you working in a place like Azkaban!?” At any point a prisoner could have killed her. I can accept that her father does not care for her safety, but surely she should have at least.

“I didn’t have any other option. It was either that or… Father would have turned me out if I didn’t do as he instructed.” 

“He abuses you.” She looks down at her feet.

“He is not a kind man. I accept any punishment for my part in the mistreatment though. Severus has been nothing but kind to me. I wanted to do more. I swear I did.” She’s crying profusely. “No one would have believed me. And Father… I’m so scared him. I’ve seen what he’s capable of. I should have done more. I should have taken care of the prisoners before myself, but I just…” She’s shaking. “I’m so sorry.” She’s looking at Severus. “You were so kind to me, and I just let father hurt you.”

“Severus isn’t angry with you. I’ve brought you here because he was concerned about you.” I don’t know what about her is so valuable that it makes her important to Severus, but I recognize it. If he wants her here, then she will be welcome here. I don’t have to understand. If it’s what’s best for my patient then I will accept it.

“H..rry.” Severus’s raspy voice immediately fills me with contentness. “T..ank you.” He breaths out the words and it fills me with warmth. “I.. was… worried.”

“Well. She’s safe now.” I say. He nods and smiles softly at me. “We will take down the warden when the time is right, and with Abagail as an ally, I feel like the time is soon.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a little bit. I haven't been able to be as active as I would like to be, but... I will be posting two chapters. This one and the next. I was off today and had a bit of energy. Hopefully you all enjoy. Onward my ducklings.

I did not expect that having an extra hand would help Severus to the level that it has. With Abagail’s help Severus has been more cognitive. Focused. Speech is still difficult for him, and any conversation is sporadic and broken. We’ve begun physical therapy. 

Right before, I heavily dose him with potions to suppress pain and strengthen him, then with support from both me and Abigail, we have him walk as far as we can push him. Often we do this in the garden and then let him rest on the grass when his legs have turned to jelly. It’s a slow process. And a painful one. 

As for Abagail. She’s a good companion to him, and though I cannot deny to myself that I’m jealous, I recognize that I was harsher on her than I had any right to be. She just irks me. The way she flinches away. The way she tries to contain her emotions only to fail and blubber like an annoying child. The way Severus will gently touch her arm as if to reassure her when he’s the one that deserves reassurance.

She’s closer to his age. Attractive enough. Female. I doubt they have the same tainted past that he and I do. She would be a much better match for him. 

And yes, I admit that bothers me. I admit fully that I’m jealous of her.

“Severus has eaten. Can I go to my room now?” I rub my temples.

“You don’t have to ask for permission for everything.” Her shoulders are tense. “Yes, go to your room that’s fine.” She lowers her head briefly before stopping herself. 

“T..thank you.” She scurries off like a frightened animal. I hate it. I hate it.

It’s not necessary, but I check on Severus. It’s a comfort that any level of distrust he had for me before it gone. He notices me approaching and gives a small nod as a greeting. 

“How are you feeling Severus?” He tilts his head to the side. “Are your pain levels tolerable?” He blinks and slowly nods. “Good. There are some things that I have been wanting to discus with you, but they may not be topics that you feel comfortable deliberating on. I do not want to stress you out or exacerbate your condition, but I’ve put off this aspect to long.” He folds his hands together in a defensive position. “Severus, I’m a doctor above anything else. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I swear to you that my only intention is to help you. Part of my expertise is counseling those that have suffered mental tears.” His fingers are clinched so tightly that the knuckles are turning white. “Like you.” I don’t say anything when he pulls his knees up to his chest. “I’m going to bring the warden to justice for all of the crimes he has done to you and to others.” This time Severus does flinch, but I slowly continue. “Your memories would help bring him to justice. If you did agree, then I would keep everything that I can concerning your name out of the publicity, but the judges would know as would the other witnesses. I’m not asking you for something trivial and I recognize it.” He’s shaking his head frantically and when I lay my hand on his shoulder, he jerks from me.

His eyes are watering with unshed fearful tears. I wait until he calms before I continue.

“It’s completely your choice Severus. I will not force you or take your memories without consent. If it’s to much for you to bare then I will use other evidence. Your help will make the case open and shut, but even without your memories, he will not walk free. I could never possibly understand exactly what you went through, but I do care about you, and I will not allow any other harm to come to you.” I want to embrace him. I want to hold him until he knows that everything is going to be okay, but touching him in such a way could prove to be just as traumatic for him. “You are more cognitive now. I will not force you to talk, but it will be beneficial to you if you were to open up about your experiences. Nothing said to me will be repeated or shown to anyone else without your expressed consent. If you do not wish to talk then that’s fine. If you would feel more comfortable showing me the memories then that’s fine. Whatever makes you the most comfortable Severus.” I sit on the floor next to his bed making sure not to invade his personal space. 

In my experience the first session is uneventful and little will be discussed. It’s difficult for many to open up. It’s also my experience that people feel more comfortable when they feel like they are talking to an equal or even someone ‘beneath’ them. Subconsciously this can be done by breaking down the barriers. I’m sitting on the floor and looking up at him, patiently waiting for him to say anything at all.

Finally, he does.

“I… don’t want… talk.” I nod understandingly.

“That’s fine. No pressure Severus. If you do not feel up for talking then you do not have to. Or if there is something more comfortable you would like to discus we can do that instead.” He bites his lip and squeezes his hands together. “Is there anything you do want to talk about? Potions? Your time as a student? My mother? Anything at all Severus.” He shakes his head slowly. “That’s fine.” I smile at him showing that it truly is fine. “We don’t have to talk about anything.”

Again it’s quiet, but I’ll not break the silence. It’s likely been ten minutes before I hear his voice again.

“Th..ank you.” I’m not sure what he’s thanking me for. For not making him talk. Bringing Abigail here. Healing him. 

“What for?” I ask. He’s again quiet, but I don’t prompt him. I don’t mind the silence or the broken conversation. I’m content just being close by. I’m content listening to him breathe and knowing that he’s safe. 

“You.. ha..ha…have gro…wn.” I can’t help but smirk up at the man. 

“I was afraid for a while that you didn’t recognize me.”

“I d..d…di..did…na..not.” His hand trembles reaching for his drink. After several gulps he continues with a less scratchy voice. “You.. lo..look li.like your dad.” 

I remember that would have once been a compliment. Now it only feels like bile in my stomach. I got my eyes fixed so to be rid of the glasses. I make sure that my hair is styled differently. And still it didn’t change the fact that when Severus sees me, he sees… my dad. A bully.

“Sorry.” I sound so awkward. “I guess sometimes you can’t escape looking like your parents.” I try to laugh, but Severus only smiles tightly. Bitterly.

“Or acting li..ke them.” 

“I’m not like my father.” I insist. “I know when I was a kid, I was pretty similar. I got away with everything, but I’m nothing like my father anymore. I swear.” He shakes his head and holds up his hand to stop me.

“Me.” He says pointing at himself. “Meant. Me.”

“Severus, I don’t understand.” 

“I’m li..li..like my d..dad.” He says the word dad like an insult.

“Severus, I don’t know anything about your dad, but I do know that you, well you are a good person.” He scoffs, but I continue. “Severus, you are the bravest man I have ever met. You deserve more than you are given credit for, and I may not be able to clear your name, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that you are left to whatever peace you desire. I’ve spent the entire time you were in Azkaban trying to free you, visit you, clear your name. I couldn’t keep you from being wrongfully punished, but no one is going to bother you anymore Severus. You are free to do whatever you desire. I just ask that you please stay here until you are well enough to take care of yourself. After that, I won’t keep you. I can give you whatever you want. If you want a ticket to America where no one knows who you are, then I’ll get that taken care of. If you want to be rid of the magical world, I wouldn’t blame you. And if you wanted to stay here with me…” Harry, back off. “well, it’s a pretty big house, you could stay here and never lay eyes on me if you wanted.” He’s looking at his hands. My throat feels so tight. I convinced myself that he was unwell and would need me for a long time, but realistically, he is healing fast, and I have no right to keep him.

“Harry.” My name is said very softly. “Thank.. you.” I force a smile even though the thought of losing him again is rawer than I prepared for.

“Anytime Severus.” I force a laugh to downplay my sincerity. “I would do anything for you.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many unfinished stories that I'm trying to knock out while of course maintaining quality. I have so many stories that I am working on and even more than I just work on idlily in the background. Thank you all for being so understanding and patient. Onward my ducklings.

“Do you have anything you value left with your father?” She stalls for a moment as if trying to understand what I asked before shaking her head.

“I had very few possessions. Father did not…” She stalls. “I had to earn everything I was given, and I was not given very much. Father made it clear that I did not own anything. Even my clothes were something I had to borrow and earn each day. It was my punishment for being born a squib. My punishment for mother hiding me from the death eaters and dying when I should have been the one killed.” 

She says all of this without even a twitch of an eyebrow or a glimpse of sadness. She speaks as if her reality was a norm even though she knows it is not. It reminds me very much of my own upbringing and being nothing more than a leach on the ‘real’ family.

“Why do ask?” She says breaking my train of thought.

“You need more clothes. The single outfit you have,” if it can even be called that, “is not enough.”

“I apologize.” She bows her head. “I do not have any money as I was not permitted to earn coin. I apologize if it is unsightly for me to continue to wear the same clothes day after day, but I have little choice.”

“I have not always had money.” I begin slowly. I do not want to relate to her. I do not want to see her as anything other than a potential romantic rival, but I’ve long since accepted that I do not dislike her. I don’t even pity her. I completely understand her. Her way of living. The lack of choices. The apologizing. I hate it. I hate it! Because it reminds me of a time in my life I want to desperately forget. “My guardians were abusive, and I did not have any possessions. I will not pretend to understand everything you have had to experience, but in many ways- we have shared experiences.” She looks down at her feet, but otherwise says nothing. “Today someone I trust is going to take you shopping. She will help you get everything you may need.” Panic fills her features. “I will not be keeping a tally. I have not always had money, but now due to no merit of my own, I have more than I could ever spend. I will not notice or care if a few hundred galleons go missing.”

“I do not wish to be in your debt anymore than I already am.”

“You won’t be.” It’s not me who says this. 

“Ginny, you are here early.” She shrugs.

“Ronald was getting on my nerves. I’m assuming this is Abagail? My name is Ginevra, but please just call me Ginny. You and I are going to go shopping.” Ginny has always been good as disarming others. Maybe because she’s the youngest to such a large family. “Besides, we can girl talk. It has to be getting boring just having him,” she cuts her eyes to me in an accusing fashion, “and a literal old man,” again she cuts her eyes to me, “to talk to.” She finishes up with a gentle smile. Ginny locks her arm with Abagail and monopolizes the conversation, and with nothing more than a wave behind her they leave. 

She will be safe with Ginny. They can girl talk, and get Abagail whatever she needs as well as something nice for the eventual trial. Speaking of.

I knock on what once was my door until I hear Severus’s guttural voice telling me to enter. Now that he’s stable, I’m making sure to not infringe on his privacy unless absolutely necessary. He still needs a lot of help. Talking is a process. He cannot walk on his own for any length presently. He still has moments of panic and instability.

However.

He’s himself again.

“How is your pain level?” I ask first. I pull out my notepad where I’ve been keeping record of his condition.

“Six.” He weezes out. I nod and catalog his answer. Most days he shifts between six and eight- depending on how far we’ve pushed his body, and the time of day. 

“What is your name?”

“Severus Tobias Snape.” Good.

“What year did you graduate Hogwarts.” His brow furrows in thought. While he thinks, I sit at the foot of the bed, making sure to give him plenty of personal space. He values his space, and I do not wish to crowd him.

“I’m… not positive.”

“When do you think you graduate Hogwarts?”

“It was late 77 I think.” He rubs his temples. “Maybe 78.”

“And what year were you born?”

“19..1960.” I can see the wheels turning in his head trying to match pieces.

“Do you know my name?”

“Harry James Potter.” He says the name instantly.

“Do you know what year it is?” He shakes his head. “Do you have a guess as to what year it is?’ His hands fold together and he’s quiet while he thinks.

“I’m sorry. No.”

“That’s fine Severus.” I place the notepad in my lap. “Is there anything you would like to discus today? Anything on your mind. Anything at all.” 

“Lily was nice to me.” He lets that sentence die between us. I don’t prompt him to continue though. He can continue whenever he wants. I watch his hands clinch the bedsheets. “My dad was… not nice. My… mom did not want me.” I don’t move, to afraid to break the thoughts that he’s having. He’s not looking at anything in particular, he’s just staring with unfocused eyes. “She was the only one… who… cared about me. Lily was nice to me.” He’s quiet again for an uncomfortable amount of time. “But I was mean to her. I said awful things I knew would hurt her. I betrayed her. She died because of me. I tried to make up for what I did. But I can’t. I betrayed her. I deserve Azkaban. I deserve to hurt.” I reach out and take his hand lightly, but he flinches from the touch just now seeming to realize that I’m there with him.

“Severus.” His brows furrow.

“What… were we talking about?” 

“I was asking if there is anything you would like to discus today.” He folds his hands together. 

“Can I go outside? Please?”

“Would you like to try to walk there, or would you like for me to carry you?” We’ve already done his physical therapy today.

“My legs hurt.” He admits slowly.

“Then I will carry you.” He lays limply as I wrap him up in one of the blankets. It’s easy to carry him though. I try to ignore the flutter of warmth when his eyes drift shut in my embrace. He trusts me to not hurt him. He’s comfortable enough around me. 

I lay him on the ground as I always do and sit just out of reach. Close by in case he needs me, but far enough away where I do not take up his personal space. 

As always he leaves the blanket, preferring to directly lay in the grass. There is a chill in the air, but aside from his light shivering, he looks comfortable. 

“Where is Abagail?” He asks.

“She’s gone shopping with Ginny Weasley.” He looks up at me and smiles.

“She’s a good kid. Didn’t want to leave her behind.” He seems to deflate into the ground. “People from abusive households need to stick together.” He reaches out and gently grasps my sleeve. “I knew you’d understand.” Dark eyes close as he lets all of his defenses go. “No one should be trapped in an abusive situation.” Before I can stop myself, I reach out my hand and run my fingers through his dark hair. “Knew you’d understand.” He says again. “You are a good kid. Didn’t want to leave you with Tunie.” He yawns. “I’m tired.”

“Would you like to sleep for a bit? I’ll bring you in when it starts getting dark.”

“Thank you.” He says tiredly. He shifts a bit until his head is propped up against my leg. His long fingers grip my sleeve, and his other hand idlily plays with the grass until his body goes still.

I’m a jackass. I was irritated at Abagail because she reminded me of everything I hated about myself, but for Severus… he just wanted to save her from the bad situation.

Light snoring calms me down. It’s warming to be allowed this close to him. I can touch him. I can make sure he’s comfortable and safe. This is all I ever really wanted. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my ducklings. A lot has been going on. Just to fill everyone in, my fiance has covid and I have been having to work most days, but this horrid year is nearly over. Anyways I hope you all are doing well. Onward my ducklings.

“Mr. Potter, do not expect me to wait all night for you to take your seat. I am not a patient man.” His silky voice rakes against the deepest part of me. He’s so close I can smell the scent of cloves and something spicy. “Did you skip the feast in the great hall Mr. Potter, you look utterly _famished_.” He doesn’t give me a chance to speak. “No matter, I have nothing to satiate your hunger.” His sultry voice makes my knees feel weak, and his eyes stare into my soul. They are an abyss that I could never reach the bottom of, but I would spend my entire life trying if he would allow. “I am utterly disappointed in you for being late for detention, do not expect me to allow that defiant act to pass.”

“I was right on time.” I insist and he scoffs.

“On time is as good as late. To be on time you must always arrive early. I know you are not such a simpleton as to not know this fact.”

“I apologize sir.” My mouth is so dry, but all I can do is drink in his presence. His eyes show no forgiveness, but deep in his endless eyes, I can see a heady warmth that scalds my core.

“Apologies mean nothing to me. I only care for actions, and for your actions, I will not allow you to leave tonight until I feel _satisfied_ … that you have learned your lesson.” Oh Merlin. He leans in so close that his spicy smell makes my mouth water. Long fingers cup the front of my pants as he leans in close to my ear. His breath tickles my earlobe. “Mr. Potter, you should know better than to bring your _wand_ into detention.” He rubs me open palmed and chuckles when I shiver at his touch. “Give me your wand Mr. Potter, I will return it to you once I feel you have learned your lesson.” He exposes me and any shame I would feel is immediately vanished when his scalding mouth swallows me. Long nails scratch at my hips and encourage me to throw away all reluctance or modesty. Eyes stare up at me unabashed and when he does pull away he gathers a bead of precum on his tongue. His tastes his lips with half lidded eyes. “It would seem I’m as starved as you are.” He grips me painfully tight as he presses his thumb down on my slit. His eyes go from black to a dull gray. “Is this what you want me to do Harry.” The willing eyes are replaced with disgust. “Is this what you want me for. Lusting over me. Have you forgotten what you allowed to happen to me?”

“This wasn’t my intention.” He tsks like he’s chastising a child.

“Of course it is. You _love_ me.” He spits the word like an insult. “You want to take me into your bed and claim me. Look at you desperately writhing at my touch. You want to breed me and dirty me inside and out. You want to pin me to your bed and fuck me raw and hard until my body is full of your seed. I’m so close you can almost taste my skin. You don’t even care how dirty I was made when I was locked up like an animal. Even though it’s your fault. Even though I was beaten and raped because you didn’t do enough, you still think you have the right to love me. How pompous and self-important you are. You aren’t my savior, you are the man who enslaved me.”

“It’s not true!” I shout over and over but he only sneers angrily at me.

“Silence. I’ll give you what you want since you are no different from that _monster_.” His mouth closes around me and I startle awake.

The room is dark and would be quiet if not for the loud sucking from under my blanket. I can see a head bobbing up and down and the sight is so foreign I don’t understand at first what’s happening, but when I finally do, I throw the person off of me. I wave my hand to create a light so I can see who came into my room, and who crossed the line. 

Her eyes are wide and fearful. Shame etches her face. My first instinct is to be frustrated, but I calm myself before I speak. Her hands tremble. 

“Can you fix a pot of tea? I’ll meet you in the sitting room.” She stands and nods slowly. Hands straighten her garments and then timidly fold together. When she leaves, I give myself a moment to calm and organize my thoughts. Once I feel that that my body has calmed enough, I adjust my clothes and go to find her. 

Tea on the table, she stands behind a chair. 

“Please sit down.” She hesitates before nodding. Her still shaking hands try to reach out to pour the tea, but I take the pot and pour her a cup and then myself one. “Sugar?” I ask. 

“I’m sorry. I did not mean to upset you.”

“Abagail. We will talk about that in a minute. Would you like sugar in your tea?” Patience was never one of my strengths, but as part of my job, I’ve improved. She slowly nods and I give her two lumps of sugar. She waits for me to take a sip and then she follows. “May I ask why you felt inclined to pleasure me orally?” 

“I apologize, I will try harder to please you next time! Please do not send me away.” She says the last very softly. I almost do not hear her.

“I have no intentions of sending you back to your father. I understand that the trauma and abuse you have suffered under him has caused you anxiety, but I need you to try to calm down. Please answer my question if you are able.”

“She spent so much of your money on me.”

“Yes, that was the intention. Ginny spent the money, you didn’t. I’m sure with any purchase you attempted to dissuade her.” She nods slowly. I have no doubt that anything she needed she had to ‘earn’ with her father. I had asked Ginny to help get anything she may need. Clothes. Feminine products. Something for her appearance in court. Anything else she may possibly need. Ginny has full access to one of my vault at Gringotts. Every year I have more vaults left to me in the wills of strangers I have never met. The majority of my patients I do not charge for- most of them would not be able to pay me anyways. I’ve lived in poverty, and my home is relatively modest and mostly only the size for my personal needs. In an isolated location hidden away from the magical world and large. I would have once thought this home glamorous, but compared to most of the homes of well off magical folk, it’s completely modest. I do not have need for all of the money that I have, even donating a sizable percentage hasn’t put a dent in the fortune that my parents, godfather, and strangers have left. 

I once felt guilt over money because asking and relying on my aunt and uncle only made me feel like a leech. I had hoped that having another spend the money might lessen her guilt, but evidently not. “Abagail, you will never have to perform sexual acts for survival again. We can pretend that tonight never happened if that will make you feel more comfortable with the situation.” She bites her bottom lip. “If you need anything- anything at all- then it will be available to you. Until your father has been made to pay for his crimes, you will stay here because it’s safe. Once you have upheld your end of the deal and given your honest testimony in court, and he’s put away, Ginny will help you find a place of your own. From there, I will provide you a monthly allowance for living expenses. If you would like to find a job, then Ginny will be able to aid you in that as well. I would help you myself, but I’m normally very busy with patients.” I’ve only slowed down so that I could remain close to Severus. Once he’s left- as I’m sure he will- I will bury myself in work again. “Severus is still not mentally stable enough to give a testimony in court, and I’m not sure if he will even agree to do so. I’m hoping that he will. If he doesn’t.. it will be harder to bring your father to justice. However, Severus asked me to help you, so I will. For as long as you need, you are under my care.”

“May I ask you a question?” I raise an eyebrow at her before nodding at her to continue. “I understand that you are a medical professional. I wondered before why you were so intent on me staying here just for one of your patients, but you are infatuated with Severus, aren’t you?” I could lie, it’s something I prefer not saying aloud, but she’s harmless. The worst she could do is tell him, but I doubt she would even do that. 

“Completely. If he values your safety then so do I. And no, I have no intentions of him every knowing. Once he is well, when he decides he is ready to leave, I will ensure that he has a safe place to live, and I will ensure that he is supported financially with whatever assistance he needs. He’s been through enough, if what he wants is some place quiet to rest, then I will make sure he has that.” For the first time since I’ve laid eyes on her, she smiles. A small happy smile. 

“He use to talk about you before he got so confused. My father didn’t start out so rough on him. He was still awful… but for the first year or so, Severus would speak to me sometimes. He talked about you often.” My heart aches thinking of how long he suffered. “He always said that you were a very kind boy.” She laughs in an almost forced way as if she is unfamiliar with how to laugh. “He told me once that I should run away from my dad. I told him I had no where to go. No where at all.” Tears dot her eyes. “He said that I should go to you and explain… everything! I thought he was so crazy the way he said with complete conviction that if I went to you, a complete stranger, and said I needed help that you would.” She laughs that say sad way. “Then when you came that day to retrieve his wand and you told me to come stay with you I just… I accepted immediately. Everything he said about you was right. You really are the kind of person that wants to save everyone.” Thinking of him talking about me so positively warms something deep inside, but I don’t have time to think about that right now. “I’m so happy someone as kind as you loves him.”

“Just, don’t bring it up around anyone. It’s not something I have any intentions of pursuing. He’s only a patient, and even that not for much longer.”

“You should tell him.” Her voice is soft and more accepting than I would believe coming from someone who has been through as much as she has. I still wouldn’t say that I like her, but I certainly do feel protective of her. “Severus is kind too. I’m sure he would accept if you told him.”

“I’ll think about it.” I say while smiling through my lie. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter. Onward my ducklings.

“How is your pain level?” I ask, as I always ask first. He curls his fingers working the stiff muscles.

“Four.” Much lower than normal. Good. And his voice doesn’t crack nearly as much as it did initially. I’m pleased at his progress. 

“What is your name?”

“Severus Tobias Snape.” He answers clearly. Always start with questions that should be easy for the patient to answer. This varies from person to person. With Neville’s mom I always started by asking if she would like a piece of candy. It was one of the few things she could clearly answer. 

“When did you graduate Hogwarts?” He had difficulties with this question initially, but even that question is now easy for him.

“1978.” He says with conviction. Sure of himself. I don’t smile or show how pleased I am. This is not about praise. His answers do not matter. Well. That’s partially true. I do wish to see if he can answer the questions correctly, but it’s more important for him to rebuild his own mental capacity. His foggy mind needs to be strengthened just like any muscle.

“Do you know my mother’s name?” He looks down at his hands and smiles softly.

“Lily. Lily Evens. No. Potter. It would be Lily Potter.” I scribble a few notes down and then return to the questioning.

“Do you have a guess as to what year it could be.” Tension shows in his forehead as his furrows his brows. 

“I think…” He pauses and rubs his head as if it were throbbing. “2015.” He’s nearly a decade off, but he at least has an approximation.

“The year is 2009. The battle of Hogwarts was in 1998.” I supply the information. I place my notepad in my lap and hold up an inkblot. “Let’s work on something else. Can you tell me what you see?” He’s holding a lot of tension in his mouth. 

“Serpent.” He coughs to clear his throat. “Chained. I don’t like it.” He looks away. “I do not like it.” He says again. This is to much for him. That’s fine. I put it away when he refuses to look back at the ink. If he is unwilling to do a part of his therapy then I skip it until he is willing to try again. It’s important that he feels safe. It’s important that he feels comfortable. This process isn’t about ego or praise. The only correct pace is the pace that he is comfortable at, and if something makes him too uncomfortable then it can be skipped. Unfortunately some discomfort is needed in the healing process. Nothing can improve without strain and effort.

“Is there anything you would wish to talk about?” I ask lightly, fully prepared to sit in silence if that’s what he would prefer. He laces his fingers together and squeezes lightly. His eyes never look at me and instead stay fixed onto his lap. He hesitates and I allow it. He is not required to tell me anything, and if he does it needs to be his own choice.

“I had a dream about the warden.” When he grows silent, I patiently wait for him to continue. I’m sure this is difficult for him. “I do not want to talk about it.” I nod understanding and making sure to not press. He brought it up, that’s a start. I’m not surprised he has nightmares- I knew he did. I check on him often at night, even before he regained consciousness. Sometimes he would scream without any sound. Thrashing. 

“Would you like to take some dreamless sleep?” Only that prompts him to look at me.

“Doesn’t work on me. Used it to often during the war.” I don’t ask which war he means. Likely both. “I’ve always had difficulties sleeping. I’m accustomed to it.” 

“If it provides you any comfort, my home is well protected. Only the people I trust inexplicably have access to my floo network- and even then- I can shut them out. No one that would have the intent to harm you is welcome in my home. I give you my word that you are safe here.” He seems to think over the words before showing me a slight side smile. It only makes him look more tired.

“If I were to help you prove the warden to be…” He doesn’t finish the statement. “I would have to allow the ministry access to my memories of my time in Azkaban.” He exhales slowly. “If my memories are used then you will see them. Everyone would.” He takes a long sip of his water before continuing. “I do not want anyone to see the things that he did to me, but I will have too.”

“Only if you choose to aid in the trial. It’s entirely your choice, but if you help us in the trial, the people involved would see your memories. It would be an unfortunate reality, but I would keep your name as well as all the other victims’ names out of the media. It would be a private trial. I have enough station to ensure that. Since I would be presenting the memories then yes, I would have to be there to witness them. You would also have to be there to present your memories.” He nearly turns green. “But he will not be allowed anywhere near you.” His arms wrap around himself. “Only those absolutely necessary will be present.”

“You are a healer.” I try to not show confusion at his statement, but he must realize I don’t understand what he is meaning to say. “You’ve healed me. You bathed me, and took care of my physical injuries. You inspected my body when I was unconscious.”

“I swear to you that I did nothing more than what was necessary in the situation. If you would like me to take Veritaserum, I will, but I swear if I could have spoken to you first and obtained your consent then I would have!” It would never do something inappropriate to any of my patients let alone Severus. No matter how I may feel about him, no matter the thoughts I may have had about him when alone in my bed at night, I would never…

“I know Harry. You are to much of a Gryffindor goody goody to use your position to assault someone.” The playful accusatory tone makes my heart thrum warmly in my chest. It’s nice to hear his sharp words after so long. “You already know about my time in Azkaban. Maybe not the details, but you know.”

“Yes.” Even as I confirm, his expression betrays his discomfort. Shame. Self-loathing. Embarrassment. “Severus, I’m not your student. I’m not the son your friend. I’m not even the boy who lived. I’m just Harry. I’m just your doctor. It is necessary for me to understand your injuries so that I can assist you, but I have no intentions of placing you in a situation that causes you discomfort. Omit any details in your therapy sessions you desire. Tell me as much or as little as you feel necessary. I will not lie to you though. I know the majority of what you had to undergo while a prisoner.” He looks at his lap as he folds his hands together. “If you choose to aid in the trial, then I will do everything in my power to keep your privacy and dignity intact. If you choose to not aid in the trial then I will do everything in my power to still bring him to justice.”

“I do not want to see that man anymore than I already do.” He looks at me with the same unshakable expression that he was known for as a teacher. He must be terrified, but no one could see that through his mask. “I’ve thought about my decision for a while, but I’ve already known what choice I would come too. I will.” I smile at him as comfortingly as possible. “But.” He continues. “I want a wand. I know he destroyed mine. I know you would do what you could, but I will not go without a wand myself. I don’t care it it’s just a piece of twig. Just something.” Severus’s hands shake anxiously. “I will not be defenseless.” 

“Then we will plan a private outing to Diagon Alley. I have already begun making arrangements for the trial. I would like to charge him as quickly as possible. Do you feel you are stable enough, or do you require more time?”

“Just get me a wand Potter, and I will be ready.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have actually been looking forward to this chapter for awhile. Hopefully you all are excited at this very quick update as well as this dialog heavy chapter. That being said. Onward my ducklings.

He grips the cane tighter struggling to not stumble, but his body has gotten much stronger since I first took him in. The air is brisk with a bit of morning chill in the air, but we are both bundled up. I did not want him to suffer crowds, neither the closeness of strangers or any potential looks. Luckily Ollivander was more than willing to open his shop early for us. The chime of his door brings be back to my first time stepping into his shop in search of my wand. The magical world was already so amazing to me, but also overwhelming. I wonder what Severus must be feeling. 

The aged wizard greets us both with an amused grin.

“I was wondering when you would return Mr. Snape.” He says addressing the frail man beside me. A chair is pulled up, but he refuses to take the offered seat. “I knew you would be back.”

“I have not changed my mind.” He says seriously. “I only require a cheap wand.” He gets a frown in return. 

“Just as I knew you would be, you’ve proven yourself to be a strong capable wizard. All those years ago, you refused the wand that chose you, and still you refuse.” A wand is carefully taken out of a box and held out towards Severus, but he doesn’t even move. “It has been waiting for you all these years. It is rightfully yours. In all these years, it has rejected every other that has tried to use it.”

“I’m not the same child that came in for my first wand. It choose wrong then, and it would certainly be foolish to choose me now.” He still refuses to even touch the smooth finish of the wood. Ollivander carefully boxes the wand and hands it to me. Only now does he address me. 

“Mr. Potter, I am unable to sell this wand. Please take it as a token of the gratitude that I hold for both of your service. As far as a wand that he is willing to use,” he looks back at Severus, “You are more than talented enough to use any wand, but just as I’m sure you grew accustomed to, the wand may not willingly serve you.” He shows me a few candidates, and Severus shows no interest even while struggling to stand. I had hoped that he would be willing enough to at least touch a wand. See if any felt right, but he leaves the decision up to me. I buy a few hoping maybe in private he will be willing to find a preference. I thank Ollivander again before the two of us take our leave. 

He’s staggering more with each step and I smile cheerfully at him.

“Let’s stop for a cup of tea.” He only gives a single nod. At the very least this will give him a chance to rest without bruising his pride. We sit quietly in a secluded corner sipping our tea. I’m not overly familiar with this place, but it was the closest place for us to rest.

“You didn’t ask.” He says breaking the silence. “About the wand.”

“If you wanted me to know then you will tell me.”

“You aren’t near as nosy as you once were.” He says taking a long sip.

“Actually, I’m as curious as I’ve always been, but I understand that I do not have the right to know or invade.”

“It gained a feather. I did not know much about the magical world or wands. I was curious and he must have been able to tell, because he explained a few properties of wands to me.” He’s warming his hands on the mug. “Certain wands are flexible and willing to change as their user needs. They see into the deepest parts of the wizard. The one that choose me…” He pauses. “It was wrong. Even then I knew it was wrong. Even if it was right about me then, I’ve done so much since it chose me. I’ve killed. Brewed so many potions I knew would be used for heinous acts. I knew I might would have to do things to survive. I did not want to subject my wand to those acts.”

“You did what you had to in order to survive Severus.”

“No. I chose my path. True, I did not have many options and at the time I could see few alternatives, but I wanted to join Voldemort. I wanted everyone to hurt. I wanted to be accepted.” He’s looking into his cup as if it could have the answers to his unspoken questions, and I know this is a sensitive topic. If I say the wrong thing, it could set us back but I also know I cannot simply pander to what he may want to hear. He will not believe them anyway.

“It is often a sign of trauma that people either seek isolation or acceptance. They either do their best to push others away in the hopes of not growing attached or they alter who they are in the hopes of being accepted as their false identity. Sometimes people do a combination of the two.”

“I will not be told that my actions were acceptable.” There is malice in his voice and I smile at him gently.

“Absolutely not. You were an asshole, and you have done things there are unacceptable. You are responsible for all of your actions. All of the bad actions as well as all of the good. It’s only important to understand the insight as to why a person would perform actions. I only mean to say that I understand. We are all responsible for our actions, and when working on the betterment of ourselves we need to understand where we have come from in order to go in the direction we desire. It was something I had to work on personally as I always seek approval because I never received it as a child. Once I joined the magical world I saw how everyone treated me, and I began acting as the hero they thought me as. I enjoyed being loved even though I knew deep inside it wasn’t me they loved but this false identity. You called me out though. You didn’t show any favoritism- quite the opposite.” I laugh. 

“I was needlessly cruel to you. I had to make sure no one knew my loyalties, but in private I didn’t have to take enjoyment out of bullying a child.” 

“We were both prats. I enjoyed upsetting you. Hell, I enjoyed being singled out by you and proving you wrong. We can dwell on our wrong forever though, but going forward we can be the people we want to be without it being dictated by others. You aren’t reliant on anyone’s opinion of you any longer. Be whoever you desire to be.” He takes a long sip. “And if there is anything you need, then I will help you get or achieve it. Without any expectations on your end because that is who I choose to be. I want to help you so I will.”

“I am sure my parent’s home is still standing.” He winces. “I do not wish to reside there. I did not expect to survive the war so I do not have a plan for survival. I am unsure if anyone would hire me- or if I am even fit to work.” He takes another sip. “I do not want handouts though. I am feeling stronger each day, and I know how easy it would be to take advantage of your charity. I am already immensely thankful for what you have done for both me as well as Abagail. I do not know how I would be capable of repaying you, but I will find a way.”

“That isn’t necessary, but do what you want. Speaking of, I have had many leave various vaults and possessions upon their death. As such, I have a few homes in secluded areas that are empty. It would actually be helpful for someone I trust to live there to make sure magical creatures don’t take up residence there. I would appreciate you living there- it’s not a handout though. You could brew and sell potions as you felt yourself able, and we could consider that your payment.”

“That.. that would be acceptable.” He says. I nod and smile.

“I understand that Abagail doesn’t have any magic, but I’m sure she could assist you in at least chopping up and the cleaning. After you are well enough, we can get you set up. I don’t expect you to tolerate me forever.” 

“You don’t have to go this far though.” He insists.

“Nonsense, you would be the one doing me a favor.” Never mind the fact that I have already bought a home for him and had a well-ventilated area renovated into a suitable brewing area. It’s stocked with various useful ingredients as well as a few rare ones that ‘the previous owners must have left’. He doesn’t have to know the extent I have taken for his sake. He doesn’t need to know about the library that I have meticulously filled. He doesn’t have to know that I made this purchase more than five years ago in the rare chance that I would be able to cultivate a reason for him to live there. He’s done enough.

I would love to keep him forever, but this is enough. Nothing would make me happier than knowing he’s in a safe home where he can just live his life. Maybe he will be willing to eventually think of me as a friend. That would be enough. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, but I wanted to go ahead and get this chapter out. I also felt if I didn't end it here the chapter would be too long, and of course take even longer to get out. I plan to work on the next chapter tomorrow though. Onward my ducklings.

His hands tremble around the buttons, but I do not take over. I give him the time and dignity to dress himself and only stay close by should he actually need me. Still, he’s only managed two and he has more than a dozen to go. 

I took the liberty of buying him formal robes for today. He held them as if not understanding what they were at first, but then he nodded and thanked me quietly. I wanted to make sure they would suit his taste so I had them modeled after the robes I saw him wear most often as a teacher. The undershirt is a deep emerald green, but the outer robes are a dusty black the color of soot. The front is lined with many silver buttons engraved with ornate details. The long sleeves button down the forearm and although he’s struggling, he appears genuinely happy at all of the little buttons. He has always fancied robes with many buttons, and it certainly suits his closed off persona. It takes so much effort to do up all of those buttons, and so much to undo them. I’m sure at the end of a long day he relished each slow unfasten to finally free him of the façade he paraded as.

I’m getting distracted- now is not the time. His pants fit him well, and he only required minimal help to pull them over his narrow hips. On his feet are sturdy black dragon hide boots. The final step is pulling his black and silver speckled hair into a high but loose ponytail. He looks quite dashing.

He slides his wand into the sleeve of his robes, and grabs the cane I offer him. He staggers a bit when he walks, but he looks every bit the prideful man I… fell in love with. I swallow the lump in my throat. 

“Abagail, are you ready?” I ask not taking my eyes off of Severus. He holds my gaze for a moment before I look away ashamed of myself. 

“Is this alright?” She asks lightly. Ginny certainly splurged on the ornate but sophisticated robes. She looks every part the witch even if she doesn’t possess any magic. 

“You look very nice.” I supply. And she does. Her long hair is folded on top of her head in elaborate braids, and she even has a dusting of makeup on. The robes hug her curves that she normally hides, and I can tell she is not all together comfortable with her shape being exposed. “You can change your mind.” I say slowly. “You both can.” I say looking back at Severus. “I will do everything to protect both of you, but your memories will be on display. I will not pretend to understand what either of you have gone through or experienced. It is not to late to change your minds. Are you both sure?”

Severus grips the cane tighter. Abagail touches his arm in an understanding way. They are on the same wavelength, and I could never possibly understand. She smiles at him tightly and he gives her a single nod. 

“My father is a cruel man. He deserves to be tried for the crimes he has committed. I’m… terrified. I do not want to do this, but I feel that I must. He cannot be allowed to continue as he’s been, and I want to help even though I’m scared.” Severus takes her hand and squeezes it. 

“We are ready.” He says to me. His hands may be trembling, but his eyes haven’t had that fire since the night I chased him from Hogwarts. He’s determined. They both are. I embrace them both to apparate making sure to keep both of them stable. It still leaves Severus a bit unstable on his gammy legs, but to her credit Abagail stands firmly only reaching out her arms to steady Severus. Slowly he nods to say he is fine now, but we both keep a firm eye on him. 

The ‘trial’ is small. It only consists of us, the warden, and a few select members of the ministry that have been sworn to secrecy. The judge is a sallow faced man, but fair. It would not look well on anyone for what we claim the warden to have done to come to light. Still. Injustice cannot just be swept under the rug and hidden away. 

“Mr. Potter.” The judge says clearly. “You do realize the seriousness of what you have accused?” 

“This entire accusation is a farse and a mockery! I have only ever done what was necessary in protecting the wizarding world from horrible people intending to harm innocent lives.”

“Mr. Stern, you will hold your tongue until it is your turn to speak.” The aged Judge says firmly but without any heat. “Mr. Potter.” He prompts.

“I have suspected that the man who ran Azkaban was misusing his power for a long time, unfortunately I do understand the seriousness of what he has been accused of. There has not been a moment until now that any proof existed of his actions. I have had many patients that were under his care that had serious injuries that they should not have experienced under his attention- regardless of the crimes they may or may not have taken part in, their injuries were a product of power abuse.”

“You have proof?” 

“Not only have I brought two witnesses that have consented to having their memories seen, I also have the medical documents for Severus Tobias Snape’s. I have close to a dozen other patients that have suffered similar abuse, but none are strong in mind due to the torture they experienced. They are unable to give their consent for their memories or medical documents to be shown.”

“Very well. I would like to see the documents.” I approach him and hand him the thick book full of notes I have meticulously written on his initial condition as well as the recovery. The steps taken to fix his hands, regrow his teeth, the therapy sessions. Everything. 

He’s quiet for a long time as he flips through each page, never changing his expression. Severus trembles beside me and the Warden glares distastefully in our direction, but he’s on the other side of the room. Still, I position myself in-between my two companions. I am not above drawing my wand should he step out of bounds. 

Finally after an eternity, the Judge moves to place the papers down on the desk in front of him. His narrow fingers remove the glasses from his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. He looks to Severus.

“You claim the things written in these medical documents are true?”

“Yes sir.” Severus says are confidently as he can.

“And you consent to showing the memories of these occurrences?”

“Yes, if it’s the only way.”

“And you young lady?”

“My name is Abagail. He.. is my father. I’ve quietly stood aside and seen the things he has done. I’ve even helped him.” He swallows her nerves then continues. “I knew what he was doing was wrong, and I did not agree with his actions, but I didn’t have any other options. I consent to showing my memories as well. Father has required that I do actions for survival, and I’m afraid of him. Still, if showing my memories will help everyone he’s harmed, then I wish to help.”

“Guards, bring Mr. Stern to waiting room three. If there is even a chance that what you say is true, then I will not subject you to allowing your tormenter to witness you reliving the memories.” He’s escorted out, but then the Judge looks to me. “Is Mr. Potter permitted to stay or should I have him escorted as well. Ms. Abagail? Mr. Snape?” Severus grabs my arm.

“He’s already aware. I trust that he will not abuse the knowledge.” He stays.

“Ms. Abagail?” The judge asks again.

“I would feel more comfortable if Harry stays.” She looks to the other men around the room. “But if there is any possibility for the other men to leave. Perhaps if there are only women instead. I apologize. I understand if that’s impossible! But I did not expect there to be so many men… but I will if there is no other way.” He nods to her slowly and with understanding. He waves away many of the witnesses and leaves only five women. 

“Is this suitable Ms. Abagail.”

“Yes, very much so. Thank you.” She already looks more at ease. They both do. 

“Every one of the witnesses has been sworn to secrecy. The things said and shown today will not leave the lips of any who bare witness.” He glances at the pages still on his desk. “I do very much hope though that neither of your memories line up with what is written.” He shakes his head in distaste. “Now, which of you would like to step up first?” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. I won't keep you anymore. Onward my ducklings.

Abagail smiles stiffly at Severus who just lightly pats her arm as if they are having a wordless conversation. She nods at him.

“You don’t have to.” He says gravelly. 

“Yes, I do.” She stands tall and proudly as if she couldn’t possibly be afraid, but the look of concern shows otherwise. Gliding to a seat in the center of a large room, a witch approaches her. Waving her wand she slowly and carefully pulls forth the woman’s memories. The wisp of thought is then guided into shimmering liquid for all to see.

The memories are much to potent, and it actually takes Severus holding my arm securely to keep me from rushing to the girl and taking her back to my home where I know she will be safe. It does nothing to keep me from falling into the memories experiencing tortures I have never considered.

_Father is disappointed that my magic has not come in. Mother said that he is just worried about me and that even if it does take me longer to start showing magic then she and father will still love me. Even if I never get my magic, mother said nothing could make her love me more or less than she already does._

I try to bite my tongue and stimulate pain to focus. The memories are just to powerful though. They are much to personal and my magic feels pulled.

“I was afraid she would affect you the same she affected me.” Severus grips me tighter. “Try to endure, you are not her, and this will pass.” I can hardly hear him over the sound of my father slapping me.

_“You are a disappointment.”_

_“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Mother’s arms are wrapped around me, and I cannot be pulled free. Her skin has already hardened as death has taken her. The man- the death eater she called him- lay dead. I don’t know what happened. He tried to kill me. Because… I’m a ‘squib’. I don’t understand. He pointed the wand at me and said some spell, but mother…_

_She grabbed me. She shielded me. She held me tight and even now in death she will not release me._

_I don’t know how long I’ve been trapped in her embrace, father was at work when the bad man came here. It’s been so long._

_“It’s your fault she’s dead.”_

_It is my fault._

It’s my fault. It’s my fault that my mother is dead. It’s my fault. Because she sacrificed herself.

“Harry, breathe.” I can’t. I can’t breathe.

_“Sir, I have brought each of the prisoners their meal for the day. I have also finished the rest of my tasks including the paperwork and the cleaning. Is there anything else that I can do for you.” Father does not look up._

_“Yes. I have a prisoner to interrogate. Follow.” I do not like this part of my tasks. I do not listen to the questions or answers between father and this prisoner. I’ve made that mistake before. If he is willing to answer all of my father’s questions, and do any of my father’s biddings, then I am to be his reward. It is the only use I can provide to father. I hope he is a difficult prisoner, one that has not earned my father’s favor. I do not want to be left alone with this man. He’s scary, and I did the paperwork today on him. The records on him still turn my stomach._

_I don’t want to Father. Please do not make me._

I feel arms wrap around me and it’s only willpower that keeps me from screaming. “Harry.” My name is said. It reminds me who I am, but it’s so difficult to keep my foggy mind focused. Who even am I. I shouldn’t be here. If father finds me here then he will punish me. I shouldn’t be here. “Harry.” The voice repeats. I cling to the arms desperately in an attempt to cling onto my reality. The trial is still going. I have to hold it together, but my magic is betraying me. It pulls me back anytime I reach the surface and hardly gives me time to even catch my breath.

Don’t touch me! I do not want this. I do not want to be ripped open by you. Stop. It hurts. It hurts!

_I have to ingest the potion again to make sure that I do not conceive a child._

_Father would not forgive me if I allowed any man to sire a child inside of me. I feel dirty, and I doubt I will ever be clean. More prisoners are coming today. I know very little of what happens outside these walls. A war. Death. Father says there is no need for me to know. I am no more a part of the magical world as I am a part of the ‘muggle’ one. This prison is my world._

_War prisoners are coming in today. I am to do my tasks while he tests their breaking points. Silently I prepare the medical supplies. I’m not allowed to heal them so he will not give me any potions, and the bandages do very little. Still. It’s the only thing I can do. I cover my ears hoping to silence the screams. Just endure it. Don’t make him more cross, and don’t scream. Screaming only motivates him._

_Father comes back and is rebuttoning his trousers._

_“Feed the prisoner in room 572. Nothing more than broth.”_

_“Yes sir.” He leaves to visit another prisoner. I hide a slice of bread in my pocket. The smell of iron is thick, and I try to not gag on it. This man already looks more injured than father could have done in such a short period of time. His throat is scabbing over, and he already has a bruise forming against his cheek, and his lip is bleeding. A single shackle latches from his wrist to the wall._

_I do my best to not meet his eye contact. He’s as scary as the other prisoners. I do not need to give him a reason to wish me harm. Especially in the chance that he gains father’s favor._

_“I’ve brought you your meal.” Carefully I place the bowl a little in front of him making sure that I stay out of arms reach. When he doesn’t move I place the bread beside the bowl. Slowly I step back. “You will have an easier time if you just do as he orders.”_

_“I’m not in the habit of submitting to men on power trips.” I move tentatively and use a damp rag to blot at the blood. He already looks like he gave up a long time ago. I’ve done the best I can do for him. I have more prisoners that need to be fed though._

_I don’t have time for just one prisoner._

_No!_

_Save Severus!_

“Severus.”

“Calm.” 

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere Harry. And neither are you. You must breathe.”

I try to nod, but my lungs will not expand. I feel like I’m choking on oxygen until finally, I lose consciousness.

It’s only when a damp clothe is pressed to my neck and cheek that I feel like I can breath again. Obsidian eyes meet mine before continuing their task. 

“Don’t move to suddenly.” He says. It’s a gentle order, but I wouldn’t dare go against him. I’m pulled nearly in his lap, cane beside him. “Breathe deeply.”

“What happened?” My temple is pounding.

“The judge has ordered a pause while you… and many of the witnesses regain themselves. Abagail will be back soon with a fresh rag.” I’ve counseled many witches and wizards, but nothing has caused me such internal distress. I could always separate myself from them. Everything though. Every touch. Every curse. It all felt aimed at me. 

“I apologize. I do not know what came over me.”

“Harry.” He says my name knowingly. It feels like he can see past all of my walls, and it shakes my foundation. I was meant to be strong for the both of them today. Yet, here I am shaking like a child in the lap of a man that I lo…

Both of my hands push against his chest causing us both to stumble. He doesn’t even blink in response. He just stays where I pushed him away.

“I apologize for acting presumptuously. I had felt at the time you would prefer to be in my care instead of a stranger. I did not intend to make you uncomfortable. I only acted in the way that I would have preferred had the situation been reversed.” His brows furrow. “I suppose they already have been.” He seems to shake the thought away. “If you are feeling more yourself now, then you can find Abagail while I compose myself.” He slowly pulls himself to his feet with strain and effort. Shakingly he wobbles against the cane, and I just remain sitting not really knowing who I am. 

Every fiber, every cell screams to chase after the slow moving man. Never let him out of my sight, but instead I turn the opposite direction and search for Abagail. She’s the priority right now, and I need to make sure she is well.

As for Severus. 

I’ve spent my entire life watching his back. I’ve spent hours watching the way those shoulders slope when relaxed, and the way the small of his back hunches when he’s scared. I’ve seen those hands angerly slash red ink across scrolls and books, and those same hands elegantly chop ingredients so finely I would swear it’s an art. 

He’s beautiful. 

My arm is still warm from being held against him, and for just the briefest moment I touch the radiating heat and pretend that we are still pressed together. 


End file.
